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Wierd script, pretty bad formatting and plenty of typos. When you say '$900.0 more', write it out, so we know how she actually says it.. what key trick? would u mean using a card to jimmy the door? Theres a jumper cable box in the kitchen? That's a pretty high speed way of torturing someone for amateurs.
Not sure about the story, what exactly were you going for? Is it supposed to just be a revenge bit about torturing the guy? Also a lot of the 'street' lingo falls pretty flat. What's happening on the screen throughout the extended creepy monologue at the end?
I'm really sorry but I can't get past the grammar and spelling errors in this script. In addition, the formating is all wrong.
My advice is to read a lot of the scripts posted on this board and learn from them. Formatting can be quite easy- once you get the hang of it. Until then, people won't respond seriously to your work.
So read, read, read, and keep writing! When you edit this script, please let me know. I'd be more than happy to take a look at it.
I've noticed most of us are telling you the same thing. I feel that a good mention should be added.
You have taken the time to write a script and I think that is terrific. You must have enjoyed it too. You have some ideas that will work .
Is English your primary language? Sometimes it is difficult to transit expressions and grammar when it is not your maternal tongue. English is my second language and I still make grammatical errors.
Please don't give up, I think it takes time for all things and I look forward to reading this as soon as you attempt a rewrite Keep writing
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