Your Song by Michel J. Duthin (michel) (Justice Stone)  Short, Romantic Dramedy w/ music - Could true love live on for a composer beyond death? - pdf, format

Great little story. I loved it.

The only part that fazed me is when Jane tells him it’s a dream.

JANE
(smiling)
Yes, Peter. This is only a dream.

Shouldn’t it be an apparition?...considering she appears again at the end!
and, it wouldn't it make more sense since the last action of her first apparition also ends like:

Peter lies back. He smiles back at Jane and closes his
eyes, feeling good.
He is now alone in the bedroom.

Love the lyrics too

Although a good little story, there was very little comedy.

well done though!

XXXXXXXXX.

You sly fox. You worked very hard to throw everyone off your scent what with all of the parentheticals and all.

Nice try brother. The other give away was the superb writing. Next time, try and make a mistake or two.

Great script, clean as always. You DA man.

Shawn......><

Ah! So romantic.  

I liked the story and it's the first one I've read for this OWC that had true Romance in it.  

The end of the story made me smile in a bittersweet way and I did get a chuckle at one point - I'm not sure if that was intentional or not - but I think it lacked a comedic aspect.

But that isn't that important.  You have a touching story here and that's good in itself.

You get

This was a nice story.  Definitely a romance but I didn't feel any comedy...even a little to make it a dramady.

I really liked it though.  I loved the visual with her spirit coming out of the painting.  You did a great job describing that.

Nice work.  

It's generally good, I enjoyed it. It's quite touching at the end.

The monologue on page 1 sounds really awkward. It reads like a poem. Or is it the lyrics of a song? The phone call conversation in the beginning threw me off as well. You have overdone the "beats".

And what's with the car crash scene? Are you implying that Peter is dead as well?

I only feel the story starts when we get to Peter's living room.

There is romance, but where is the comedy? Maybe Zak's dialogue is supposed to be comedic? You also got the song written within the story, so that's good as well.

Good job.

Liked the story overall, thought it's a strong premise. Lyrics make great sense! Flows well too.

A touch melodramatic for me though.

page7 - shouldn't it be "reception room" (as opposed to a "hotel room")?

Nice work, a bit slow for me since I generally like fast paced stories.

definitely pulled on the heartstrings...one suggestion...try to avoid all the subtext in your description...write only what we see/hear...the subtext should come through with your dialog...but a good story...

Really heart-felt - loved it. Felt it where it (sometimes) hurts real bad. And just as I was thinking - romantic drama only, which is okay by me - you nailed it with the final scene with the portrayal of Zak - diamond nose-stud and all.

The only nitpickety thing I suppose would be that I had to go back and find the lyrics again. Mind you, I think that was kinda clever - keeping it short and sweet.

Very well done.

Wow! God! Are you trying to make it hard?!!!

My first thoughts here is that:

I thought all the talent was in the first script I read because it was so bloody good. And you guys are just raising the bar! Again and again!

I have to get some sleep and read this one over, but what gets me about this one is:

The person who wrote it!

Their energy exists inside the words. I don't feel romance comedy, but I don't care.

Again-- I just want to applaud the people that aren't into romance-comedy and submitted anyways. To me, you guys are the winners!

Tomorrow, after a sleep, I'll read this one again and try and give some good input.

I have really positive vibes from this one.
Sandra

For the most part, I did like this story, but I don't see any romantic comedy in it at all.  Actually, I don't see any attempts at humor at all.  You did a good job with the music and incorprating the lyrics.

Writing-wise, I had lots of issues here.  Insane amount of wrylies, most of which are completely unneccessary, IMO.  They really took away from the read for me.  Lots of awkward sentences and words missing a letter, which, again, took away from the read.

Good job with the music part of the challenge and good story.  Needs a couple more edits and some humor, as well as a romantic comedy feel.

Now this is the best so far. Ok there's zero comedy in it but the use of the song is the major inspiration and that was the central core of the challenge.

Formatting and wri.ting was very good. Yep, top effort!

This story is well written, but not my style.

As other's have said, not enough comedy, but it was emotional, so well done.

I like the fact that he didn't tell the journalists that she had returned to him in a dream etc. but left it hanging.

I would like to see a bit more dialogue, slightly too much action.

Overall, it was well written, but I didn't enjoy it as some of the others on here might have, as it's not really a genre I like to read. Well, I'm going to be reading heaps more of this type of genre.... I think what I'm trying to say is I would like some comedy in it.

Well done.

Very nice little piece. It was sad and you captured the drama very well. Maybe too well for the OWC. As others have said, there is no comedy in it. Nor is there any romance, though you can really feel Peter's love.

The lyrics were impressive. I really felt like they captured your theme here.

Some of the lines early on read a little funny to me. i.e.

"to realize the DRIVER of the car behind
him is leaned over his window."

Did you mean leaning out his window??? Yelling at Peter??? Seemed a little hard to understand for me.

Anyways, really nice work, especially considering you thru this together in one week,,, er the last six hours like some of us.

James

That's a beautiful story, but I agree with most reviewers, there's not comdy in it.  Anyway, the song is one of the main subject of the story and the lyrics did reflect the main line of the script. That's a good thing.