Mem by Sandra E. Watson (sandra e.) (Constance and Nephadeum Antimony)  Short, Romantic Dramedy w/ music - A young couple struggle to find the lyrics of a mysterious song that arrives magically with a couple of impish spirits. Why those symbols and tricks with the pen? Must be Mem. - pdf, format

Man this one is tough to guage. I get the concept and the thought behind the writing, but I am truley having a hard time pin pointing the true story.

The night is long for me and I have been on the road all day, so I wont give a ....

well in all honesty, I didn't quite get it, but I am not the sharpest toolin the shed so I will defer to others with more experience.

Shawn.....><

This is earth right?

Just checking.  There's only one person who could have possibly written this.  100% sure.  

There were a couple of really cute parts and some of it made me laugh.  But it was very difficult to follow.  

And maybe that's ok because maybe it wasn't meant to be totaly understood.

It did have lyrics though. And while it had some sexiness, it didn't really have all that much going for it in the Romance department.  Sorry.

You get

Whoa, this is......confusing.

I cannot discern the story from this script, except for they are trying to find some lyrics? Sometimes I feel things just happen all of a sudden. You need to clearly define the motivation of the characters to find the lyrics. There are many comedic moments, but where is the romance?

There are many technical problems as well. Other than the typos, you have many wrylies within the dialogue. Some sentences are overly long, making them really hard to read.

I am sorry to say, but I didn't really dig this.

tough read...ambitious...your characters should start out with a clear compelling goal and have the promise of conflict...start simple then you can take us for the ride...

Had me in total confusion at the beginning then as the story went on, I was finally onto a story line...so I thought.

Absolutely great imagination and fast moving story, except for the names; I found they slow down the flow in the beginning as I couldn't memorize them.

I am not sure what classification this would come under but, certainly not a romance or a comedy.

Kudos on your expressions.
The Lyrics were OK!

I wish Eli appeared earlier - then it would get to the point sooner.

I loved the unconventional characters, the premise made great sense. However, I do think that the flow is not there.

The importance of spirits is vague, or maybe I'm missing something.

But again, great characters and the premise - searching for the perfect melody that expains the meaning of life - is great too.

Why the bold font? Or does it appear so on my screen? First time seeing anything like that.

Sorry, but I have no clue what is going on here, what is supposed to be going on here, or even what might be going on here.

I really don't want to say anything except the font used is such an eyesore, and completely detracts from the read.

I am 99.9% sure I know who wrote this, and as always, your imagination precedes you!

I'm sorry but this was extremely tough going! The bold font was a real pain and the whole thing didn't make much sense.
But again, well done for competing in this challenging challenge.

I liked the title. No sure about the rest of it though. My, that font is hurting my beautiful eyes. I'm not usually one to cry WTF? But seriously, WTF? I mean, What The f***?

I am really confused by this. I see you have gone for something unique but it's probably a bit ambitious. I wanted to read on and see what was going on but I only made it to page 5. The character names did not help. I just really didn't get any sense of the story and couldn't follow what is supposed to be happening. I may come back to this later and try to finish it when I am able to concentrate better.

Cheers,
Tim.

MEM

Pros – Very whimsical. Imaginative. Playful vibe.

Cons – Convoluted. Font bolded and not courier.  Blocks of writing. Characters names don’t roll off the tongue.

Comedy – Light. “Double gay” dialogue good.

Lyrics – Integrated “MEM” at end of script.

Writer – The writer probably doesn’t write action films. The decision to bold your font and use a non-courier contributed to the difficulty in following your story.

Criteria – Met but with distractions

Gary

You have an obvious fluency with the format.  And an inventive flair for language.  But, it was really hard to pinpoint the story within all the weird dialogue and trippy visuals.  I'm still not quite sure what I read.  If I didn't have that logline to go by, I would have been really lost.  Grammar and speling were good, for the most part.  You did misspell tattoo throughout the script.  I'm sure the story made perfect sense in your head, but something got lost when the words made it to the page, IMO.

I never took calculus. Not because I'm not bright, I just never had the need and I'm not the sort to tackle calculus just for fun. This was sort of like that; not bad, just very mentally challenging to wrap my brain around-very hard to see visually, never mind trying to understand the understory and the symbolism (the Globus Cruciger- a ball with a cross on it, like you'd see in a medieval Jesus painting). I like Mixel and Zahra (very original names), but would have liked to have known a little more about them...some of the terminology I don't get. Eli March 30 artstart. What's "artstart" mean? Antimony? as in a blue-white metalloid? What's a Scooby-Doo around? Like a double-take when Shaggy thinks he sees a ghost? How, exactly, does one "turn retarded"? I don't know if I've ever been bugabooed, or maybe I got that H-Tooner thing. Regardless, I'd suggest simplifying this so it accessable to the casual reader. The average d-girl intern would make it through about the first paragraph before her precious little brain would collapse in on itself like a galactic blackhole; just like it did in calculus.

This script was out there, hard to understand, complex, and interesting written.

I think it would have been better for the characters names to be more mainstream names... easier to read.

Like others, there were terms I did not understand, and some scenes were confusing.

I think with some explanations this would be much better.

Well done for writing it. You are very skilled.