Terms of Endowment by Cameron Mitchell (cam17) (Ted the Terminator)  Short, Romantic Dramedy w/ music - Frustrated by his lack of package size, Jack tries just about anything to enhance himself.  But when an old gypsy makes his wish come true, Jack discovers life is more than a game of inches. - pdf, format

DAUGHTER (O.S.)
Mommy, what’s a monster schlong?

This is the funniest scene i've read in the OWC so far. My dog looked at me like i was crazy I laughed so hard...

ZORBO
Oh, you have small poozpah. I see.

Now the dog ran out of the room.

A fucken hilarious script my friend, and well done without many typos at all. I does not capture the OWC though. There is no drama, no romance. But I still loved it. Your comedy is phenomonal .

I would almost venture to say i think Jeff wrote this, But i'm gonna hold off til i read some more. Nice work. Definitely the funniest i've read so far.

Yes, this could have been written by Jeff, but I think it was Mike from Illinois.

Very funny. So many funny parts of it. The little girl at the store, Zorbo, his dream was great, too.

Very good short. I see you took your time and made it shine.

Cindy

I loved this! But where was the romance? It doesnt matter, it was LAWL funny.

A MUST READ!

There are lots of quotable lines, almost every one!

A (Woud've been an A+ if there was actual romance)

This is definitely the funniest of the entries so far, and most likely will remain so. Sure, it was light on the romance element but you can't have everything.

Don't really have any criticisms, it was well written and a great read. A lot of stories seem to run into trouble with finding the right way to end them. I thought the ending here was perfect, it was funny and suited the tone of the script. Well done. There is a blank page after FADE OUT though which you could remove.

Cheers,
Tim.

Very funny - It's a shame that it lacks the romance required for the OWC challenge; however, I cannot take anything away from this story.
Was going to tell you about your blank page but Trojan beat me to it.
Well done, fun read.

Rather good one this. Very funny and well written. As others have said it lacks conflict and romance. But when you have laughs that makes up for it. And this does have a lot of laughs.

nothing wrong with "locker room" humor, but i have to agee with elis...didn't fit the parameters of the owc challenge as well as some of the others...would have liked to see the "shrinkage" go beyond the "desired" dimensions so that when christine arrives all that's left is a stub...anyway a funny look at the human frailties we all share...

TERMS OF ENDOWMENT

Pros – Premise. Good use of dream sequences. Loved the Gypsy hot dog vendor.

Cons – “Monster schlong” scene borders on bad taste but I laughed anyway.

Comedy – Plenty of puns and innuendos in here.

Romance – Physical attraction is not romance.

Lyrics – Jack croons in his backyard at the height of his problem.

Writer – Well done. Should have called this “Jack and his Bean Stalk.” Well, maybe not. Good take on this without using the little blue pill. The ending was not unexpected but it still had firmness to it.

Criteria – Comedy yes. Romance needs fixing – though it really wasn’t intended to be romantical.

Gary

Very funny.

No romance at all so it kind of falls out of the boarders set by the contest but it is funny.

The visual I got with the lincoln tunnel was LOL.

Well written and layed out. Good Job.

Shawn.....><

Way to go! This one is a solid piece of work. I enjoyed the read thoroughly.

It had me smiling and amused the whole time.

This here:

DAUGHTER (O.S.)
Mommy, what’s a monster schlong?

That was a beauty and since kids absorb every little detail
this totally rang true for me.

Extremely well written.

Sandra

It's very funny! I thought that the lyrics were good.

The song though leaves an impression of a bit wedged in.. Maybe it's just me.
good idea for a short, however no romance at all.

Funny though.

I dont care that it didn't quite 'fit' the challenge theme and the song was sort of snuck in.
THIS WAS F**king BRILLIANT! i WISH I HAD WRITTEN IT INSTEAD OF SHELTON! (i'm guessing he wrote it?)

One 'minor' point - RIPPY, the co-worker? should be just called DON? If Rippy is his nickname then call him Rippy. Unusual name too...

Top job!

This is actually pretty good. I laughed out loud a few times. You got a normal guy in an extraordinary situation, that's a good premise. The characters are funny but not to the point where realism ceases. The writing is good as well.

The only thing that is lacking a bit is the romance.

This is one of the better ones in the OWC.

Man,  I loved that.  

I think it was a bit light on the romance but the comedy was certainly there.

The only crit I have has to do with the tunnel scene...I've seen that somewhere before.  Might have been Kentucky Fried Movie, Groove tube, or Tunnel Vision (or something like those).  

But otherwise well done.

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