Some Things Never Die by Jon Barton (johnnyboy) - Short, Romantic Dramedy w/ music - Helen rushes to get to her wedding on time. - pdf, format

Wow, very emotional little piece. i really felt for Suzie and Paul. It's a sad story that i'm sure some people have had to live through. When an illness ruins your lifelong plans.

Good formatting, i didn't really see any mistakes.  So, that was nice.

I did like the lyrics too, They fit the theme very well IMO.

Can't take a guess at who this is, I have no idea.

Only problem is it was mostly a drama. There wasn't any comedy in it and the romance was there, but not the kind i would expect from a romantic dramedy in sorts.

Very nice work, bravo....     James

That was definitely a very different spin on the theme. Well done too.
The start had the feel of a comedy but once we got to the hospital we knew what the score was.
Maybe have Paul in a wheel chair to make it more sadder? I had this weird picture of him getting married in a hospital gown...

Very much the drama here and a good effort.

Interesting take on the "romantic dramedy" theme that I think worked quite well. The dialogue was very well written, none of it forced, and the lyrics were great. The shift from leaving the hospital to the graveyard was a nice touch and really emphasized how quickly things change.

Beautifully written and one small thing I noticed... on page 1:
When she realises the time, she jerks upright.
SUSIE
(at the time)
Holy...

This just seemed a bit redundant. Other than that, nothing to dislike. Well done.

This is the best one I've read so far. The comedy comes so easily just given the situation. It barely tries and still nails it just given the fact that real people would react at least similarly to this. It also gives the pacing a good boost. The segway into the dramatic plot is relatively graceful, especially considering how depressing cancer at a wedding is. The transition doesn't feel forced or unnatural in anyway. I was a bit disconcerted that the drama continues to dominate the script after Helen's jaunt to the chapel but a good script is a good script and this one never seemed to lose its way. Even the song felt on point. Not too many gripes with this one, none of any consequence anyway. Solid effort. Great result.

Very touching! Neat entry, very much about love.

I thought that the lyrics were good.

A touch melodramatic, but there should be melodramatic stories too...

Overall, I liked your scirpt a lot.

Don't even know what to complain about don't know if any improvements are needed, guess it works for me as is.

A really touching, emotional short (if a little too light on the comedy).

Liked the twist where the limo pulled up outside what you think was a church, only for it to be the hospital.

Lovely dialogue, and a great story. Lyrics fitted well too.

Congrats.

Nice emotional story.

Light on the comedy and I actually think that addressing that issue would raise the script to another level.

If you make the moments with Paul and Helen genuinely funny, the loss will hit even harder. You can even make fun of his disease like having her calling him baldie or something. It's hard for people to deal with illness and I have often heard sufferers say that they prefer it when people make jokes about it rather than pretending it's not there.

You'd give the script even more of an edge and show how every moment is to be lived to its fullest, no matter what.

Good work though. Nicely paced and with a heart.

SOME THINGS NEVER DIE

Pros – Well written. Title fit well.

Cons – Two dialogue distractions: Big block of text for Hellcat’s soliloquy. Also,
Paul’s big talk with Helen was full of ellipses.

Comedy – In the beginning with everyone being late was cute. After that, not a pronounced presence.

Romance – Tragic. Yup. Drama. Yup. Romance. Not sure. Were Helen and Paul were romantically bound to each other? The words were there but I didn’t feel it. But I’ll go with it.

Lyrics – Well done as the song at Paul’s funeral.

Writer – Good idea. A few irons in the fire to think about.

Criteria – Met.

Gary

The opening sequence made me think of the one in "4 Weddinsgs and 1 Funeral".

There's roamnce but I'm not quite convinced Helen really wants to marry paul. She's still hesitating at the hospital.

I think Paul wouldn't mention the word "Cancer". We got it. He should me more "prudish" (I hope it's the right word and you get what I mean) about it.

Although all this, this one fit the quota.

My favorite so far.

Michel

This is the story of

What Happened When Sandra E. read Some Things Never Die

There's a serious exhaustion I feel, being up late-- the moon godess thing always takes its toll; but I persist in the work and find myself filled by numerous scripts, each with their own unique flavor. I'm lost in it all.

The day feels pale, whatever that means and I open:

Some Things Never Die

My first note:

Page 7

Excellent transition! I could just feel it before it even happened and I DID feel it HAPPEN. Very real!

Working the effect of a time transition like this-- it's extremely well done.

And then I got to

The Lyrics

Please don’t just slip away
Keep living up ‘til your last day.
Who says you gotta let the darkness
win?
Rage, rage against the dying light!
Life’s worth defending - where’s
your fight?
Don’t you dare just let the
darkness in.

And it sounds weird, but I can feel them in a way is unimaginably real.
And I think, "How can something unimaginable be real?"
It can't.

You have worked some magic here. And it's beautiful.

I started to cry.   It takes a special writer to make a person cry.

You did a lovely job with the denouement.

This isn't a comedy as in ha-ha funny, but it feels like the writer
really cared about their work. They had the passion that
Broadway Betty spoke of in Broadway Betty.

Excellent work!

Sandra

Wow, what a tear jerker!  Nicely done, but I just don't think it quite fits into what I call a romantic comedy.  It is funny at times, but it's just too sad to be taken any other way.

One thing I noticed that didn't work well was your transitions.  First of all, I don't think they were neccessary and secondly, they took up alot of room, and almost worked as a distraction, IMO.

The lyrics were good, but I wish the song itself ws more pivotal in the story.

Title was great and you did a fantastic job of bringing it up several times, so that it became the theme of this piece.

Really solid effort here, but for my money, just too sad to be taken as a comedy in any way.

I admit it. You got a tear out me. Despite the early set up of pre-wedding lateness(which I think has been done a hundred times) to the hospital segue (which was a good twist) to the desperation wedding and the shared sentiments therein, to the somewhat predictable outcome. I think it hit a chord because it seemed very real. It was very real to these Helen and Paulie, therefore, it seemed true and unfortunatly, too relatable to those of us who have lost some one near and dear. Very heavy on the drama, and too light on the comedy to balance out. Still, very well done, and I think the challenge to this kind of story is to pull the humor out despite the tragedy, something in Paulie's defining character that withstands the test of time, even into the afterlife. Perhaps he was a massive 'footy' fan, and she shows up at his grave to celebrate with a victory with thier friends-that sort of thing, or that he has the logo for Manchester United (No preference here, it's just the only soccer team I'm even remotely aware of) etched in his tombstone.

The first third doesn't match with the rest of the script.

I did like the overall idea, but I thought the dialogue at the end went on a bit too long, and could be cut down. Or at least broken up with some action lines... it's hard to read.

Well written, action was good, most of the dialogue was good too.

Umm, don't know what else to say about this baby, except well done. It worked well for the most part.

I'm going to disagree with the others. It felt kinda Cliched to me with the guy dying and the woman being pregnant with his baby.

The song didn't work for me either. We're at the funeral and the lyrics say... Life's worth defending - where's your fight?

On the plus side, it is a complete story and told in just nine pages. It was also well written and structured.