Rachel's Song by Michael Cornetto (cornetto) (Where'd you come up with That)  Short, Romantic Dramedy w/ music - A weekend camping trip turns into a nightmare for one man when his girlfriend is abducted.  Can he save her from her captor?  And most importantly, does she want to be saved? - pdf, format

This is well written, but it isn't romantic or funny. There were attempts at humor but not many. The end was predictable. Still it did make me sad so yes points for that.    

The song lyrics, to be honest, seemed like you just chose the first rhyming word that popped into your head, life/knife.

This just isn't the sort of story I like, but it is well structured and written and I'm guessing others will like it.

Nice story written in a clean crisp way.

Very King Kong'ish, but it still worked.

Liked how in the end Rachel is faced with two "romantic" pursuers. Dramatic when Colin shoots Big Foot and Rachel's so sad. Would've been nice to show Rachel perhaps showing some anger at Colin i the end.

Can't comment on the amount of drama/comedy since I have no idea what dramedy is....

Great job and kudos for thinking outside the box!

I'll vote 5 stars on this one.

Bigfoot in a dramedy.  And they said it couldn't be done.  I like how you used the whole "music soothes the savage beast" theme.  Sort of a low budget King Kong.  I give you points for originality.  This script is a nice change of pace.

But there were some pretty jarring tonal shifts in this one.  I thought you were headed for more of a broad comedy when the girl gets kidnapped, and the boyfriend tries to call the sheriff, only to find out that the deputy is still at the fishing tournament.  Then, it turned to action as Bigfoot took on the bear.  Then I thought you finally were settling for the sweet ending of the gentle Bigfoot being soothed by her singing.  Then Bigfoot's head gets blown off by a shotgun blast.  Whew.

But, you kept me reading.  I had to see how this one turned out.  An entertaining, but very odd read.  Good formatting.  I liked this one.

FROSTBITE sneaks into the OWC!  Ouch...

This was a very ambitious slant on the challenge, and a good effort. But I found it almost comical when it wasn't supposed to be! Although it was meant to be for the challenge...

Writing style good , formatting very good. Ok, the mawkish stuff is handled well, but it isn't really my go and thus didn't suit the theme.  nice try though

Hi, I think this is a good script. The story reminds me of King Kong and I liked it. You fit the song in pretty well. I can see the romance developing between Rachel and Big Foot. There is certainly drama, but there is no attempt at comedy. Otherwise, I have no problem with the story. It's simple and straightforward.

Your Big Foot is interesting, although just a bit alike King Kong. You might want your Big Foot to have some other qualities that can differentiate it from King Kong. Both Colin and Rachel I can empathize with.

The writing is generally good. You missed a V.O. for the ranger at the end. Their radio talk can be used as INTERCUT since the conversation lasts for the entire page.

Good effort and well done!

RACHEL’S SONG

Pros – Premise. Good build-up of Colin’s frustration and his desire to save Rachel.

Cons – The word “It” used excessively as the first word in the sentence.  Somewhat predictable “music to calm the savage beast.”  Ranger talked too long on his hoax tirade.

Comedy – Some light moments in the tent and when Big Foot tries to get Rachel to sing.

Romance – I got more of a romantic vibe from Big Foot and Rachel than Colin and Rachel.

Lyrics – Once in tent. Used extensively in cave with Big Foot.

Writer – Interesting choice in setting and Big Foot. Perhaps shifting some of the time spent chasing and talking with the ranger could be used to scratch out a little more romance.

Criteria – Not really funny esp. given that Big Foot dies. Tragedy really. Romance – maybe.

Gary

Hmmm, points for creativity?  I don't know.  No way is this anything that the challenge was about, and I think you realize that.

Lots  of writing issues here, mostly seem to be typos, but there are alot!  Words mising an s, or words with an s that shouln't be there.  All over the place.  More than a few asides that don't need to be here and read awkwardly.

Music is present throughout the script, so that's good, but I don't know what to say about the lyrics...well, I can say that most of them actually fit into the tune, so that's a plus, but that's about all I can say.

You went way outside the box here and for that, if nothing else, your script will be memorable, but other than the premise of a girl and a Bigfoot falling in love, there's no humor, no romance, and really this falls into what I would call "action".

Good try though.

RACHEL'S SONG --

Very good incorporation of the song.  This is the first script I've read (including my own) where the song is fully woven into the story.

The opening dialogue is fantastic.  Very natural and genuine.  I could really feel the chemistry between Rachel and Colin.

The action scenes were handled nicely.  Bigfoot taking on a bear has some great visual possibilities.

I wasn't crazy about the ending.  It just seemed a little too neat and a bit too melodramatic for me.  I would have liked to see something more raw and maybe more ambiguous.  

Overall, an entertaining read.  Good work.
  

A well told story. You've generated sympathy from me for the beast.

Also, you've created suspense when Colin puts lowers his gun for a moment, thinking.

I don't see any real problems with this one.

Memorable too.

Sandra

Well, this was certainly different. When asked to write a romantic coomedy drama with music, this would not have been my first idea. Whatever else, you have to be congratulated on that! And at least the song did actually play a part in the story.

But I can't say that it did a lot for me. I disliked Rachel for a start, which is not a good basis for a romantic story! After Big Foot had saved her from the bear, she says that "no one had ever done anything like that for her before". This overlooks two things - firstly, her life would not be in danger if it hadn't kidnapped her, and secondly poor old Colin had tried to save her when they were attacked - and as far as she knew, had died in the process.

She seemed to grow romantically attached to the creature with remarkable ease. One minute she is screaming and trying to escape, the next minute she singing to it and practically snogging it! Presumably, had she not been interrupted, we'd have had some inter-species romance taking place!

"King Kong" is mentioned by some posters but I'd say a more obvious point of reference might be "Creature from the Black Lagoon". Obviously, you are limited by the OWC, but if this were developed more, it might prove more satisfying, especially if you made the character of Rachel more likeable.

Ah, beauty and the beast. This was very well written. Question does going in and out of the tent require a slug??/ Or is it all condiered ext.?? I dunno.

Your song probably has the best lyrics of any i've read. Unfortunately, the director would be stopping and starting that 56 second piece of music 5 times. Because you sing it through the entire short here... Then there... Good theme to it though.

I liked this, was interestin, and now i finally know who murderd Big Foot.

It doesn't fit the requirements for OWC though. IMO. Missed comedy. And circling around a 56 second piece of music. Nice work though, very interesting...

James

That was a fun read and a very different approach.  

It was missing comedy but it was a good story, a tried and true story actually - one that's been done before but you seemed to put your own spin on it and worked.

The lyrics seemed to fit the music.

The scene with the Ranger on the radio could be shorter.  And there could be a bit more interaction between the guy and the girl at the end.  Did he kill Kong Big foot because he was jealous or did he really think he was saving her?

Good job.

You get

Interesting. Vellllly interesting. Someone mentioned earlier how great it is to see every submission with a different spin on the genre and theme, and while I don't think you nailed the actual challenge in terms of romance (not much) - or comedy, there was definitely drama.

Pretty much repeating what everybody else said, and you're sick of it, right? Sorry.

Lyrics were hit and miss with me.

I can offer only one more thing - and forgive me if that's been said already too. Ramp up the stakes a bit - I needed the central relationship to be stronger. She fell for that other hairy guy way too fast.

This was definitely enjoyable because it was unique. Love to see what you come up with if the genre is 'horror' or action.

I LOVE THE WAY THE SONG BECAME THE MAJOR PART OF THE STORY.

It did have romance to a certain extent. Rachel and Colin appear to be in love and Colin trying to save her, reinforces it.
As for Bigfoot. Sounds like he fell in love with the song/music, more so than Rachel.

Big Foot becomes agitated. The whining grows more intense.
RACHEL
I...You want me to sing.

The above came out of nowhere. There was no clue as to why she would think that Bigfoot wanted her to sing.

Overall, a good little script. Very low on the comedy side though.

I was too involved with the story to notice any spelling mistakes of formatting issues.
I did notice a few Ing endings, but nothing that took me away from the story.

Good effort.