Black Hand by Sebasetien William Bazile - Thriller - Skylar, a bright and beautiful young woman recently paroled from prison, struggles to readjust to society, while hunting down the men responsible for her brother's murder.   109 pages - pdf, format

The logline draws me in, except it could be better. My one complaint is that you shouldn't name characters. It's better to use generalities in a logline. Unfortunately, you can't take out the name.

Now... onto the script.

I'm not sure why the action is italicized. Is it because it's in black and white? I've never seen this before. Can someone else comment?

I've saved the file. It's going to take me a while to finish all of it, but I'll work on it when I get a chance, so stay posted!

Hey Sebasetien,
I've read through 15 pages of your script but have to put it done for now due to the Falcons game. Question though, I understand the transition between color and black and white . . . and it works sometimes . . . but is there a die hard need for it or is it just for effect?

Couldn't get through this cheese fest... No fuggin' way.  This is every "femdom" movie you've ever seen, loaded down with enough cliché's and absurd happenings to make you sew your eye lids shut.  

You write well enough.  The script is formated very cohesive.  You handle flashbacks without a beat missed.  You're highly educated and I can tell that by the way you write.  But you just don't have a story here... Don't get me wrong, you have a story, but you don't have "YOUR" story.  As I said, we've seen this movie before.  Everything from "Coffee" to the absurd and abysmal "The Brave One" come to mind...  

What I'd like to know is this.  She's 30 years old... Your lead here. She spent 15 years of a life sentence in prison... Did she get all them degrees within the walls? Wouldn't a social education put her above a restricted one?  Meaning, her IQ couldn't be the 2nd highest recorded to the public... Maybe the population. Not the general public.  To me, you have some plot holes to fill.

Also, it gets so absurdly janky when she's fighting "Tatiana and Zach"  I mean... WOW!  That's like getting the Cheese straight from the cows utter.