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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  A Little Miracle Moderators: bert
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  Author    A Little Miracle  (currently 1185 views)
Don
Posted: October 17th, 2009, 4:50pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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A Little Miracle by Sai Washburn - Drama - A caricature world is viewed through the eyes of a young blind girl who runs away from a dysfunctional Foster parent in search of her mother. While on the streets of New York, she is befriended by a local graffiti artist who shows her 'a thing or two' about the art, while she proves to him, that her disability is her greatest gift. 110 pages - pdf, format


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jackx
Posted: November 6th, 2009, 5:32pm Report to Moderator
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The beginnings a bit soft, you kinda jump through a couple scenes, none of which are particularily grabbing.
Not sure how you picture an abortion taking place, but its not done by taking the baby out like a C-section, then 'letting it sort itself out'.  Which means your miracle baby is kinda unlikely.
Kinda abrupt transition between miracle scrubbing the floors then suddenly dancing.
Why does Mr. Franklyn show up to tell the orphanage everything when his whole point is he doesnt want anyone to know.  Why not just keep his mouth shut, instead of bribing people to not tell anyone something they didnt know in the first place.
seems like you give yourself a lot of freedom with the stylistic choice to have 'miracle-vision' , but then dont really utilize it since you pretty much only show us either angels or caricatures.
Some of the anti abortion bits seem a little out of place/distracting in the story.
How does Miracle know how to write?  I thought she was born blind.
The angels talking about who claimed her was a little trite.  Also might want to add 'religious' as well to the genre.
What is jinx supposed to be doing with the files?  He's just throwing them out?  But going through them one by one anyways?  Doesnt make much sense.
When does she call herself possum?
group homes are for kids whose parents are gone or passed away?  how does that not apply to miracle?
Why is Kendra that flirtacious immediately?  
They seemed pretty quick to try to escape from the hosptal
Why would her mother know she was a painter?  I kno this is supposed to be a believing in miracles kinda movie, but its crossed he line a few too many times.
How is the water tower 8 feet tall and only a foot off the ground?
The contest seems pretty contrived.

Stopped reading around there.  I like the idea of the story, but if you want a reader to go along with some unbelievable stuff happening, then you need mostly believable styff in between.  This was just an amalgamation of miracles on top of miracles on top of coincidences.


Mine:
HARD CASE
            (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...

APU
            (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...
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