The Boy Who Cried by Anita Cook - Short, Family Horror - Kevin just wants to go trick or treating, but his brother first lays down the rules.  Will he listen? - pdf, format

Well whoever wrote this one is definitely from the U.K, a lot of the phrases seemed very British.  I thought that this fit the challenge just fine, it had a bit of humor and was pretty light hearted, so good job on that.  I thought it took a bit of time to get going but it did have a good pay off in the end.  Well done!

Ooooh - left me wanting more (in a good way).  This felt like a delicious act 1 which could go in so many directions.  Great fun!  And I love the turnip.

Not bad. Bit of a slow beginning, I looked up at page 7 to see where I was at and I feel I needed to read it twice. Nice imagery throughout. The turnip instead of the pumpkin suggests the origins of Halloween and an English or Irish writer. I suppose I just wanted a little more ... definitely tackled the Halloween theme though, so good job.

Good visuals. I couldn't help but feel this was an extended setup for a one liner ending. The ending could have been more of a scare. Title gave this one away.

Gary

Definitely a UK writer   There really isn't any halloween there...more Guy Fox...

I felt the story wasn't at a festival strange things happen.  Kevin had a big bully for a brother and it left me wanting more.  I think the scary character was maybe a lot like Kevin...just grown up...maybe there could have been more story there.

Ultimately it left me flat...but I think you put in a good effort!

Morgan

Older brother, little brother - the theme never wears out and I think yours is a good take on it.

I thought, that the description of Donna is kind of long - I think you don't even need to go on about an unimportant character.

There is a typo in the last sentence. Punctuation was a bit off. It's well written, but the entry seems rushed for the instances like this.

I also wish you listed Martin and Alan's age when they first appear. Got a bit confused at first as to whose friends those were - Paul's or Kevin's.

Suspence is there - I like that.

Quoted from MBCGirl Definitely a UK writer   There really isn't any halloween there...more Guy Fox...

Guy Fawkes. Bonfire Night, which falls on Nov 5th. We do have Halloween - now more than ever, as commercialised as everything else now, but it is not a holiday (though it falls in school half term, unfortunately) nor is it a "Festival" here.

This is obviously a UK writer - I have my suspicions as to who it is as well! It was a bit of a mixed beast. It is not a horror story, it's more of a nostalgic look at childhood, and from that point of view I found it very enjoyable and very well written - but the supernatural element didn't make sense, and seemed tacked on just to enable it to fit into the OWC.

I would like to see more of an explanation as to what is supposed to be happening, or the supernatural element dropped altogether - either would be preferable to the mixed bag that the story currently consists of.

This is another script that goes nowhere. Your story starts on page 10 when the kids arrive at Plaznek's house. But whatever happens after that is a letdown. I thought Plaznek was going to do something to the kids but did not. Then suddenly Kevin just turns into a werewolf or something, which doesn't really connect with the overall story.

I mean, what are you trying to tell us? Kevin getting abused by Paul (which covers most of the script)? Kevin and pal go trick-or-treating? Kevin turning into something hideous?

You gotta sort out your story first, pal. Nice try.

Minor spoilers...

Yeah, with coding here, I felt as though nothing was happening for the first 8 pages. Finally, the Plaznek's house rolls in, but there's not enough room to get the story about him in. All we know is that he is some weirdo creep that nobody should go near. Most of the script was just Paul abusing Kevin, and Kevin and his friends talking about masks and whatnot. The clues leading up to Kevin's ending got more obvious as they were shown, but the good thing was that I thought it was puberty rather than a curse until the end, but throughout, I'd have an idea, but the puberty idea would quickly replace it--mainly because the curse idea shouldn't really be expected. And knowing that we're left off finding out that Kevin's a you-know-what, and that's it, doesn't help. This is definitely a story that should be expanded.

Sean

If anything, this was a nice little slice of UK teen life.
The story was all over the shop. Maybe the writer wasn't sure where to take it by page 8 and was thrust inot the deadline blues!!  Tell us about it...

Format was good and some nice lines.

i keep reiteranting it: this was a tough challenge, especially for us non Americans

OK, 2nd last script, so I’m going to go a bit deeper here in my review…BEWARE…BWOOOHaHa!!!!!

Odd that the title has a “period” after it.  I don’t understand why.

Way too much description of the bathroom.  Way too many sentences starting with “he” does something or another…a couple of run-ons as well early on.

Just too much description of nothing going on in the first 2 pages.  I honestly think this could be written in ½ a page and not lose anything.

The intro of the turnip is awkwardly phrased.  Could be a UK thang, I guess…not sure.

OK, 2 more pages and absolutely nothing going down here, sorry to say.  Boring setting, nothing happening.  I’d say again, that this could be written in about 1 page, tops and would be much stronger for it.

Page 5 – “a draw”?  Like in, a drawer?  Hmmm…don’t quite get that, but maybe this is a UK thang, again?  I don’t know.

I’m a bit confused with this turnip.  As far as I know, turnips are rather small, aren’t they?  Another UK thang, I suppose. OK, sorry, let’s move on.

Page 7 – “two bin liner wearing friends” – no clue…

Page 10 – A new character intro’d here?  Donna?  Hmmm, a bit late, no?

Page 11 – lots of typos here that make for a tough read…confusing read.

Page 12 – HUH?  WTF?  I don’t get it…at all.  The end…what happened?  And why?

OK, quick review…no festival whatsoever.  Family horror?  Yeah, I guess.  Donna did nothing…why intro her so late?  What happened here?

Way too much boring stuff for the first 5 pages. You missed any chance you had to draw us in and create an actual story.  As it is, there isn’t any story here at all. I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t add in a festival and tell us a story.

Weak, sorry to say.  Writing not good.  Lots of mistakes, typos, grammar errors, etc.  Bottom of the heap.

1 more script to go…another in depth review…BEWARE!!!!!!!!!  AAAAYYYYYYEEEEE!!!!

Jeff, I would point out, on behalf of this writer and all of us in the UK - we do not have a Halloween "Festival"!

What is presented in this script is pretty much what happens here - no holidays, or fairs or anything like that.

It has been pointed out that a script set in Australia elsewhere on the OWC adds American elements that are out of place in that country.

So, unless you expect us to follow suit and interject foreign elements into the scripts to fit the OWC remit, then all non-US writers are  in the same boat!

By the way, for me the "boring" bits of this script were the best bits - it is the tacked on horror elements that could do with being dropped.

No offense was meant to anyone here, Niles.

First of all, my comments here were based on the writing and story on display here.  Secondly, the OWC challenge was quite clear in what it was.  Whether or not someone is culturally familiar or not doesn't matter. It is very simple to look up whateveryou awnt on the web.  If an event only takes place in a certain area, than why not just set your script in that area?

I don't think it's right for non US writers to say "it's not fair" or the like.

Don't mean to be an A** about this, but that's the way I see it.

Hey Niles,

I did not take "festival" literally too, it's more like a Halloween celebration for me. Everyone is entitled to his own terms of celbrating.

Not aiming at you, Jeff, just agreeing with Niles. It's fun to read something beside they went to a festival... though I'm not against "they went to a festival" as well. I mean a variety is better than no variety, I think.