Swine Lou by Arthur Author - Short, Family Horror - A young boy suffers horrific side effects after receive a swine flu shot. Based on a true story. - pdf, format

Sorry, didn't like this one at all.  Absolutely nothing to do with a Halloween festival.

Lots of mistakes in the actual writing.  The "insert" with the mud puddle was not done correctly at all.

Just didn't work for me, wasn't interesting, engaging, or anything.  Seemed to end on a joke as well, which was rather odd.

There's no Halloween theme, just a passing nod re a costume - this is the first I've read so, disappointing. Is 'mildly-yuk' horror? Not by my standards. The only way I could see this working is if it was animated and even then I doubt its "entertainment value" in the genre of Family Horror. Sorry I can't say anything more positive.

I think this has tons of potential...a very funny concept...but I hate the ending.  And it is a funny concept but the thought of what was happening was the only thing that was funny.  Actually the "cure" part cracked me up until he was actually hanging in the freezer.  Yikes.  

I'd lighten this up and make a better/happier ending and you might really have something here.  It had nothing to do with a Halloween festival but you created something and that's what these challenges are all about.

This is a tricky one to judge. What happens to Louis is horrific for sure, but I'm not so sure it could be considered horror. It came across more as comedy. It was family though...

This didn't really take place at or near a Halloween Festival so you fell short there.

I agree with wannabe that the concept is great and has great potential. Not so sure about the ending though. Especially if you decide to re-write it as a comedy.

Btw, funny about the "cure" literarily being curing.

I have a feeling I know who wrote this one. I could be wrong of course, but I suspect it's written by a long time member who has gotten some help from another long time member...

I don't think this piece really hits the genre until the final scene.  That was pretty horrific for a family horror.  I'm pretty sure I know who wrote this, too.


Phil

this was well-written and interesting up until Loius went on his rampage. I was wondering where the Halloween link was gonna be and imagined him crashing the Festival?
Bit it ended quite scarily. I didn't like the image of him hanging on a hook. I see the writer's idea there.

Actually, i realise now its a pisstake on the challenge...

and i'm not sure if there is a vague reference to my swine flu short 'Boardom'? Hmmm.

Based on a true story; mostly anyways. No way that Comomex would issue any possible link to liability in concern to Louis's transformation, at least in not in connection with the vaccine...Obviously a Gregor Samsa-type pre-existing condition that coincidently manifested itself after exposure to bacon or other environmental stimuli...

Regardless, OK short, but not so much in regard to this OWC...No Halloween Festival of any sort, and the apparent slaughter (curing ,so to speak) of Louis the Pig knocks it out of the family friendly realm, like when Farmer Hoggett decided to screw the whole "sheep pig" idea and settled on ham, pork roast, ribs and bacon...

Part of it reads as funny. Horrifying tragedy though and unresolved - truly a horror. I think you could use less pages for it and then provide us with some resolution. I think you could fit it all - cut some of the dialog, some descriptions...

Really good concept. Unsatisfying resolution though.

Interesting premise - very topical. The ending was over the top.  Louis on a hook -- what an image! No family horror and no festival bring this one down for this OWC.

Gary

I have suspicians that this might have been written before the OWC and the trick or treat lines just added.  Other than that line, there's no hint of Halloween at all and it's far too nasty for the family theme.  Saying that, I loved this.  It was strange and weird and I enjoyed.  Unfortunately though it doesn't fit the theme and as that was the challenege, I can't regard it as one of my favourites.

Although this does not meet the OWC criteria, the story itself is okay and the ending provides some horror.

I buy the setup where Louis got the flu shot when his mother protest against it. I also have no problem with Louis turning into a pig and the part where he plays in the mud is a nice touch. I found the Louis running away part was a tad long and repetitive though.

There is a sudden change in tone at the end. At first this is still very family-friendly, and the things that happen sounds fantasy rather than reality. But the hanging pig scene is quite shocking because it becomes a tragedy and reality problem. I hope you can change the ending to this one.

Overall, not as bad as everyone says.

I'm about to invoke an I word, interesting.

That was an interesting script.  I thought the setup was great, not so fond of the ending.  If you had set up the ending then -- maybe (or possibly that's what you were trying to do with the mention of bacon but you needed something like a bacon shortage to make the ending really work).

The dialogue, characters and even the story were nicely written.  It seem a bit more aimed at the adult side of the family audience - which I think was a good thing.  I even think I know who wrote this.

Well done.

***OO

With all the rambling over the swine flu recently, I have no idea who wrote this.  That being said, it was bad.  Not bad as a script.  Just bad as in a terrible thing to depict.  Makes one chuckle, but it's not nice to chuckle at such things, so I will berate myself sternly.

No relation to a festival.
Not for the whole family.

But good as in dialog and premise and pacing.

This was an odd one.

It reminded me of the bit in "Pinocchio" where the boys turn into asses, and maybe that sort of explanation would have worked - something supernatural that brought out the pig in the children (and was linked to the creepy girl with her rabbit!) - but as it was, there seemed no real point to the story except to provide us with some interesting images - the final ones being truly horrific.