Pandora by J Ronald Gildart - Short, Comedy, Thriller - SAM DUNN is desperate to write a great script. When the light finally clicks, he scripts a series of 5 dreams-within-dreams, nightmares really, only to realize in the end that he’s written nothing at all".  The sum total of all 5 dreams awakens in the viewer the stark reality that mankind is confronted with in this ‘dark moment’ in our human evolution.  The story also addresses man’s impulse to food, money and sex, fueled by his reactivity to fear, sorrow, and anger, the source conditions of all human suffering.  12 pages - pdf, format

Your logline is basically a spoiler, why not just stop after "he scripts a series of 5 dreams-within-dreams"?  The whole bit of what the story touches on can be cut, not only is it pointless, but it wards off potential readers when they see a paragraph as a logline. Be that as it may, I'll still take a look...

"splattering" is the mouse made of jello, or rubber? Odd word to describe the mouse hitting the wall.

The actione below that is strange too, why would he pick it up just to drop it?

"when suddenly the light in his head flicks on"
What can he physically do that would show us that he has an idea?

Cut the "2 "PANDORA" Original Script by J. RONALD GILDART" on page 3. Not sure why you have it there, could be an error, unless you wanted the words "Pandora" to be seen on screen. In that case you'll need...

SUPER:  "PANDORA"

same thing appears on the pages 4-12

Shorten down Grandpa's speech on page 6

Page 8 - "chocking" should be choking

Page 9 - "chocking" again

I liked how his dream characters were based on himself and his family and how they all had seperate scenes and  all ended in someone dying. I don't get why he was hit with the skillet, I think it would be better without it, but that's just my opinion.