Hi Jason!
I read through the first four pages and things kinda stuck out for me:
1. when a character is first introduced, his name should be CAPsed. ex. ROGER SMITH, 17,....
2. I read in some manuals, that one should avoid using boldface. It detracts from the script.
3. By pg. 4, you get into detail about how the guy wants to ask out the girl. Don't tell, SHOW. Also, be careful of verb tenses. Although, many are active verbs, there are some that are passive. Just keep an eye out for that.
I like your dialogue so far and it has kept me interssted so far! |