Ticker by John Barrett - Short, Sci Fi - Markets collapse. People die. Business as usual. A dark future ends with the heart beat of capitalism stilled. 4 pages - fdr, format

If you want more reads it would be a good idea to post this as a pdf since not everyone has Final Draft. You do know that FD gives you the option to save your work in pdf format, right? And you would generally include a title page rather than the title and your name on the first page of your script.

I think you have a pretty tight writing style, although it is heavy on camera directions. The story seemed to be headed in one direction then all of a sudden it is this sci-fi type scenario which felt out of place considering the set-up. But yeah, feels like more of a social commentary piece than an actual story with any characters. Not much to say really, it is what it is. Would be interested in seeing your writing skills in a more traditional story though.

Cheers,
Tim.

Interesting premise. It goes over fairly well until the narrator enters the story. At that point, it seems like a bit of a bailout on the writer’s part; like its premise is bigger than the writer was able to - or wanted to - handle. To be effective - and consistent - I think we need to see a little more of the android; to experience his loneliness a little. It’s basically over before the premise sets in.

I don’t really see the point in using copyrighted music. There’s little chance a director can use that music and a nearly 100% chance the music will be changed.

P3 - lighting speed - you mean lightning?



Breanne