sure! i know what it's like to anxiously await for responses and comments. i'm waiting as we speak for my piece! lol. oh, i def. know what it's like to not have time to write!
Normally, if you want to emphasize a word in a dialogue, you should underline the word, instead of capsing.
when a character makes a first appearance, his name is CAPsed. DAX BERGMAN, late 20s....
wait...how old is dax? how can alex be the oldest brother? he's only 21. so, that makes dax and ian somewhere 18-20? when you introduced dax, you wrote:
Sadness and exhaustion hang in his
battered face. He looks older than 28, but his fiery eyes
tell the truth.
this is very vague. i thought dax was 28.
i would avoid using, "CLOSE ON ...." it's a camera direction. in a spec, you want to maintain the feel that you're reading a story. if you put in camera directions, you take the reader out of that moment.
one way of achieving this is to use CAPs.
CLOSE ON NAME PLATE: WALTER TURTURRO - DISTRICT ATTORNEY
instead, maybe write --
Dax approaches a polished wooden door. On the
DOOR is a NAME TAG
that reads, "WALTER TURTURRO -- DISTRICT ATTORNEY."
When you use CAPS, it indirectly directs the reader's attention or focus.
(thinking on this, i need to go back and revise MY writing! lol)
i really like the dialogue. esp. the one between rothberg and walter. good job on that!
pg. 40 -- EXT. VETERINARY CLINIC - CONTINUOUS -- how can that be continuous? the previous scene was in rothberg's office.
pg. 45 -- "splattering it’s (ITS) brains on the mother."
PG. 48-- the dual conversations. i think when you have two columns with dialogues next to eachother, they're meant to be spoken simulatenously. i'm not sure that's what you're going for. i would write it out like your normal dialogue and maybe make it obvious that dax and samia are talking to eachother.
plus that way, there's no question that the wild applause is for homer. the way that it's aligned, it looks like they're applauding dax and samia.
i like the story, thus far! i still haven't finished it (it's hard for me to finish a story in one sitting). i'm not familiar with "The Brothers Karamazov," so I can't make any real comparisons. it definitely needs a little sprucing up, but i think you have a good script on your hands!
i'll try to finish it in my next sitting! good job on it