Day's End by John Klyza - Short, Action, Adventure, Psychological Thriller, Sci Fi - Day’s End is about GREED and POWER. How one man’s greed pitted against the might of a mega-corporation leads to consequences beyond anyone’s control. 9 pages - pdf, format

John, enjoyed your short. I thought it was very well written, concise, and held my interest from atart to finish. I think this could easily be a part of a much larger work. Excellent work, Marvin.

Thanks Marvink....As this is my very first script, your comments are most encouraging.

Few things on the title page.  As an unproduced spec script, putting fourth draft is unnecessary.  Also I probably wouldn't put a physical address on something you're just going to send out into the internet.  If anyone is in desperate need of buying this script, they can contact your email.
Don't think you need to number your scenes.
"A man used to power, is uncharacteristically for him, pacing up and down -agitated."  What?  That's a pretty backwards way to word this.  Plus if your saying that he is not the kind of person that characteristically paces or is agitated, how does the audience know that?  that's telling not showing.
missing punctuation. Excuse me mr powers.  Should be Excuse me(,) Mr(.) Powers.  
I think the whole first scene might be a little on the nose for "Angry executive wants meddling reporter dead and yells at poor secretary"
I don't think you need "Zoe sits down"  as a parenthetical.  It could just be in the next line of action
Jason goes to the bottom draw.  you mean drawer?
The whole scene with Jason doesn't make much sense to me.  He's in a control room?  why does he walk to a different room?  are there other people there that you never introduce?  Why is he trusting someone he never met?  Why is two done with a number instead of word?
How do we know the pen is an automatic injection pen?  And even after you tell us, I still don't know what that is.

"Jason rounds the corner, a gun in his hand. He winches with pain-staggers. Zoe looks up and on spotting Jason pulls her gun out and begins to shoot at him. Jason attempt to weave, but is shot. He returns fire and manages to shoot Zoe in the head. Zoe slumps over the steering wheel."
Winches should be winces.  The third sentence is an awkward run on.  The whole action is done very matter of factly, with no excitement.  This should be exciting, climactic.  instead it reads like a police report.
then you don't switch locations to brando, or say that hes still speaking through the phone.
And your should be you're
The news station just uses Sergies first name?

The whole thing is pretty on the nose.  You throw in some futuristic stuff, but it ends up being pretty throwaway, since it could just have easily happened today, or fifty years ago.  It doesn't add anything to the story, if you get what I mean.

None of the characters are particularily fascinating, and certainly none of them are sympathetic.  I could care less that Jason dies, or Zoe dies, or Brando gets embarrassed.

Sorry if this comes across as harsh, but this really didn't do much for me.  Having a story based on a NanoTech corporation is a cool idea, but you need to rethink the story you're trying to tell, and the people/situations you're going to use to do it.

Very interesting jackx, two polarizing opinions. I'm pleased you picked up on the nihilist tone (that's the whole point of the story), not all writing is formular . Some minor stuff: draw/drawer, perhaps this is an Aussie/US cultural thing. Automatic injection pen, I guess you have to be a diabetic to know that one...point taken.  A TV studio normally consists of two rooms, the main operation room and a small air condition one that holds all the computers, switches etc.

Your right, 2015 is more or less now, right? Nanotechnology is happening right now...I was allowing those few extra years to develop, so as the technology was more believable. This script relys on 3DFX and SFX, so I guess it is kinda SF.

Your "The third sentence is an awkward run on.  The whole action is done very matter of factly, with no excitement.  This should be exciting, climactic.  instead it reads like a police report." Your quite right here. This is my first script here; however, I have wrote and directed four shorts to this period of time and I'm still susceptible in writing shorthand,mia culpa, I shall fix this.

Anyhow, jackx thank you for taking the time to critique. This script will be workshopped in the next week or two, perhaps something good will eventuate....cheers

Personally, I would start this short with the scene in the canteen when Zoe meets with Jason.  Everything before it feels extraneous and overly expositional.  But we quickly gather what the situation is in the canteen scene.  Moreover, it enables you to get to your high stakes and conflict immediately.  

But either way, this feels like an excerpt to a longer piece.  The main thing that makes me say that is that Jason feels like he's your main character, but we don't really get to know him at all.  I can see that in this scene, he wants to screw over the head of that corporation, but I don't know why.

You have a LOT of dialogue, not just in the beginning, but throughout, that is needlessly expositional.  It's not believable that your characters supply unnecessary exposition instead of being more discreet/oblique.  Here are a few examples:
"He's the head of the Russian mafia."
"Am I to kill this person?"
"I've infected you with nanobots."
"I lied, there is no antidote."

Hey John I liked this script at the begining. I thought it was a cool idea. However, after reading the ending I was slightly disappointed. I realize it's a short and all, but it seems to me like this would be a better story if it was a longer script. There were some spelling errors that have already been mentioned as well. Having said all that, I liked the language used to describe the scenes. Also, I don't think you should refer to the mafia character as "the head of the Russian mafia". You could have said for example "Mikhail, a notrious character with Russian mob ties". I just feel saying hes the head of the Russian mafia is too blunt. But overall I didn't think it was too bad.