Auto-da-fe by William Pearce - Short, Horror - {no logline} - pdf, format

I'm sorry but there's no way I'm going to get through this one.  Mistakes everywhere!

Here's why...

Title means absolutely nothing to me - Strike 1

No logline - Strike 2

Opening Slug improperly written - Strike 3

Opening passage is 5 lines long - Strike 4

First sentence is passive - Strike 5

Character intro's not CAPPED - Strike 6

Last line in opening passage is an unfilmable - Strike 7

2nd passage is just terrible - Strike 8

Improper formatting of opening dialogue line - Strike 9

"Voice" - Terrible, as well as no V.O. used - Strikes 10 & 11

Flashback - No one will have a clue this is a flashback cause nothing has happened. - Strike 12

The use of "(CONTINUED)" and "CONTINUED:" at the bottom and top of each page - Strikes 13 & 14.

Sorry, this may be a great script, but I'll never know.  You just can't have mistakes like these littering Page 1.  We'll see what everyone else has to say.

I had serious doubts about this script after the first page.  Too much passive verbage.  Some clunky phrasing.  Ponderous voice over.  Your action paragraphs are just too big.  

But, I'm glad I stuck with this.  I think this is an audacious entry into the challenge.  As soon as the little girl was accused of the witchcraft, the story began to move on its own without having to rely on those voice overs.  While you did over-describe certain scenes, I think you painted a very evocative portait of the Salem-era witch trials.  The dialogue, for the most part, rang authentic to me as well.

This had some memorable scenes, such as the little girl unscathed among the burnt pyre, and the man with his eyes gouged out.  Don't know if its possible given the historic period, but I'd really like to see this play out in moviestorm.  Good job.

One of the better entries I've read so far.

The story is very epic and has a nice atmosphere to it.

I see you've fallen victim to the format police, and that seems to have reduced your reads. There's no doubt that side of things could be improved, but format is the least important aspect of any story. It's the one thing that won't make it to the screen, in any shape or form.

It does tread some familiar ground, like the Crucible or the Witchfinder General, but I loved the visuals of the girl at the end.

I found the flashbacks a bit disrputive at times. I feel the story would be stronger if it was told as it happens. There would be more dramatic tension that way.

I would also be slightly weary of telling too much of the story through dialogue...Eg William. Seems like we could have seen that scene where they were guarding the girl, rather than being told about it.

All that being said:

I think this has potential to be expanded into something more. I love stories about cursed towns and such....brings to mind Lovecraft's Cthulu mythos and his Dunwich Horror.

I really like the contrast between the beauty of the girl and the darkness of her soul.

I think you have something there.

One other thing:

Shouldn't the title be Auto DE Fe?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auto_de_f%C3%A9

EDIT: My mistake. Auto Da Fe is th Portuguese variant....


For those who don't get the title: It means "Act of Faith".

"An auto de fé was the ritual of public penance of condemned heretics and apostates that took place when the Spanish Inquisition or the Portuguese Inquisition had decided their punishment "

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films I see you've fallen victim to the format police, and that seems to have reduced your reads. .

Maybe it's because this author is not reading anything...

Quoted from Grandma Bear Maybe it's because this author is not reading anything...

Got ya.

I actually liked this. Very unique for this challenge. You need some work on breaking up your script a little to make it a faster read. And make sure you comment on others in the contest. That'll help you get more reads. I think this one is worth it. Very good dialogue for the time period. Did lack some sort of a tist though.

James

Well, this is by far the most evil bit that I've read.  As a Machinima...probably won't happen.  But good dialogue.  True to the period.  Everyone else has touched on the formatting problems so I won't go there.  Good effort.  It was different.

This was the best I've read so far.  And theres been a couple of good ones in this OWC.  

As others have said, formatting needs some work.  Probably could do this wihtout the flashbacks.

Other than that really well done!  

I wasn't going to read any of the un-* entries, but after the snowboard cross was over and the figure skating started I was instantly bored and had a need to read a short.

Sure, this one has some major errors, it really does, but the story is actually not that bad. Who doesn't like a bit of with burning in the evening.

A little too descriptive made it a little chunky to read, but the story was interesting enough to pull me along.

You're not going to get this one made into a machinima as Cornetto clearly stated no kids or animals.

Anyway, not bad at all, but you need to rewrite it so it reads better.