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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Superman's Revenge Moderators: bert
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  Author    Superman's Revenge  (currently 602 views)
Don
Posted: March 4th, 2010, 8:13pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Superman's Revenge by Tim Ratcliffe (trojan) - Short, Comedy, Horror  - Two guys are about to learn that screwing the wrong guy's wife can have dire consequences. 13 pages - pdf, format


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stevie
Posted: March 4th, 2010, 8:38pm Report to Moderator
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SPOILERS  SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS


Hey fellow Coaster!

Mate, this was well written, with some very funny lines. A great concept too!

But...

For me, the whole mood of it changed when they get to the Fortress. Once Supe starts killing, well, it sort of negated the clever humour of earlier. I know you classed it as horror, and a few people will actaully enjoy the violence, but comedy/horror is a tough mix. Also Superman's rep is based on non violence(to a degree).
I'd love to see this done without the full on stuff.
Cheers stevie

PS - Loved Jimmy's gangster line!!!


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Trojan
Posted: March 4th, 2010, 9:57pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the comments, Stevie.

This was actually supposed to be my other entry for the OWC, I wrote this one before The Killing Gene. The idea behind it was, what would it take for the ultimate good guy to explore his dark side? So I wanted to play with the expectations people would have of these characters and turn them on their heads.

I thought there would be a lot of serious and morbid entries so I wanted to write something that might give people a chuckle or two along the way. But I have a twisted sense of humor and I know that some people will probably not like this one at all.

Cheers,
Tim.

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Coding Herman
Posted: March 5th, 2010, 10:23pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Trojan, I was glad that you entered The Killing Gene instead of this one.

I agreed with everything Stevie said. The beginning was very promising, I got a few laughs out of it. But the scenes at the fortress is just, well.....left me with a bad taste. I was not horrified, I was disgusted.

Since the OWC has finished, I wish you can keep the comedic tone throughout the entire script and that would make a nice little story.

Cheers.


FEATURE:

Memwipe
- Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.
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_ghostwriter
Posted: March 5th, 2010, 11:13pm Report to Moderator
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Trojan...

I think you out done yourself with this one.  This was hilarious.  I have tears in my eyes dude.  Seems like this was all good fun.  Fair enough.  I can't fault your writing either... well written.

Some great lines of dialogue, I thought.  I didn't mind most of the scenes at his ice castle, sort-of-speak but maybe towards the end with Lois was just a little too over the top.

Either or, this was very entertaining, I have to admit, so fair enough.

Ghostwriter


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Ledbetter
Posted: March 5th, 2010, 11:14pm Report to Moderator
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  Okay, Here is the deal.
You had it on a spoof level at first. Kind of like "meet the spartans" or any other script that takes an original cast and perverts the characters.

Some of the dialog was funny, some missed the mark. It was a good effort.

The ice room scene started off OK as well, but the self gratuitous payoff for Clark hit a speed bump with his wife. This is where you could have really please the reader with many options. The option you chose did not do that.

Instead of the ultra violent ending, try a twist. What kind of twist? That my friend is up to you. I have a few ideas but I would rather see what you come up with.

Try the ending again and you will have something here.

Shawn.....><
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Trojan
Posted: March 6th, 2010, 10:19pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the comments everyone. As Ghostwriter alluded to, this was just meant to be a bit of fun and not something taken too seriously. Apologies if anybody was grossed out by any of the scenes in the latter stages of the script. I intentionally pushed this one a bit over the edge to try and make it dark and twisted to hopefully fit the theme, but also make it so over the top and ludicrous that it might still be funny. Definitely won't be for everyone though.

Cheers,
Tim.
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