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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  The Ancient Guardians: The Ashal Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Ancient Guardians: The Ashal  (currently 1848 views)
Don
Posted: April 8th, 2010, 9:13pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Ancient Guardians: The Ashal by Gina Romano - Action, Adventure - The Ancient Guardians is a futuristic tale in the vein of Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, and The Chronicles of Narnia that combines science fiction and fantasy to create a magical world balancing the rules of both science and imagination.  112 pages - pdf, format


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Don  -  November 5th, 2010, 5:14pm
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jackx
Posted: November 14th, 2010, 10:20pm Report to Moderator
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Ok the logline...
neither lord of the rings or chronicles of narnia are futuristic.  (I believe narnia is set during WWII?)  And rather than say anything about the actual story you're telling, you just mention the style.  I've already seen those other movies, what's YOURS about.

You dont need the exact date in the slug, just the super is fine.

how do we know they are fuel cell powered scooters?  why not just futuristic scooters.

wait, so the private was arguing with the colonel against saving his own daughter?  all this seems kinda on the nose.  

Lots of telling not showing.  "survivors of the apocalypse."

ill get further in once I have more time.


Mine:
HARD CASE
            (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...

APU
            (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...

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jackx  -  November 20th, 2010, 10:56am
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