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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Fear County Moderators: bert
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  Author    Fear County  (currently 2036 views)
Don
Posted: April 24th, 2010, 6:22pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Fear County by Aaron Guzzo - Horror, Young Adult - Young Jeb Sweeney lives in a sleepy Tennessee town that borders a mysterious stretch of land the locals call "Fear County." No one seems to know what's in there, but when children start disappearing, Jeb is forced to go in and find out.  103 pages - pdf format

Production:  Fear by Ronald Kelly.

Writer interested in feedback on this work


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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  November 5th, 2021, 1:47pm
revised draft
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jackx
Posted: April 27th, 2010, 11:01am Report to Moderator
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Interesting concept, this author around?


Mine:
HARD CASE
            (65 Pages) Stealing the case is just the beginning...

APU
            (80 pages) A city where superheroes are murderers and villains walk through walls...
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Aaron Guzzo
Posted: May 26th, 2010, 5:41am Report to Moderator
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The author of the book or the screenplay?
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sniper
Posted: May 26th, 2010, 6:15am Report to Moderator
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My UZI Weighs A Ton

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Take a wild guess.


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
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vinnyg
Posted: June 16th, 2010, 11:17am Report to Moderator
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Hi Scuzzos,

I've never read this book, so I can't comment on how true it is to the story. Anyway, for the most part, good job! There are a few typo's you need to clean up, but that's an easy fix. There are only a few suggestions I have, and remember, just my HO.

1. Pg. 24 - North's dialogue is way too long here, you should break it up with comments from Jeb, or maybe an action line or two.

2. Pg. 38 - "Hear it writhe in pain" - doesn't sound good, maybe something like "screaming, and thrashing about."

3. Pg. 56 - "we can tell that she is beautiful." - You should rip out that sentence completely. It does nothing to move the story along.

4. Pg. 61 - "Distantly, they hear the sound of chanting." - The wording sounds ackward, try something like "chanting off in the distance."

5. Pg. 62 - "It's not a cute baby cry-- it's a scream." You've already stated the baby is crying, so there is no need for this sentence.

6. Pg. 62 - "Even Roscoe is shaken by what they've just heard." You stated a few lines up that they were all terrified. No need to repeat it.

There were a few other minor things not worth mentioning, but over-all I liked it.


Best of luck,

Vince
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Aaron Guzzo
Posted: June 16th, 2010, 2:30pm Report to Moderator
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Well thanks. If you have any ideas on what I should do with it, let me know.

Aaron
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