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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Temptation Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: April 25th, 2010, 1:51pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Temptation by Kym - Short, Drama - {no logline} - pdf, format


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jwent6688
Posted: April 25th, 2010, 6:38pm Report to Moderator
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Wherever I go, there Jwent.

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The woman definitely came off as more of a prostitute at first. And why was he crying?? He called her over. Definitely wanted to wet his wick.

pg.3
Uncertain, she moves wearily in the direction of the sound
she’s hearing, leaving the bags unpacked.

No, she left them packed.

This short could be 2 pages easlily. Too much desription in it as well as unfilmables. i.e. "she's a practical person" - could be left out.

And my biggest question??? If you're gonna screw around wouldn't you go to a hotel room? Not your house where you wife could show up at any moment.

Didn't work for me at all...

James


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