All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
An Instrument of Justice by Matías Caruso (Mr. Z) - Short, Supernatural, Western - It was a peaceful afternoon at The Sheriff's office... until The Miss walked in. 6 pages - pdf, format
Pia was right. Very impressive, Mr. Z,...the writing flowed, the story was easy to visualize. Makes me wanna run out and have a showdown at the OK Corral. Seems like maybe there could've been a better ending though. A twist within the twist. But that's just me. It'd be nice to see this filmed. You should definitely shop it around.
That's what I'm talking about! Mr. Z is back, y'all. Man, you're the Leo Messi of script writers, what you do looks so stunning and is impossible to duplicate. Loved Lydia - Lydia is hot. Seriously. She really is an instrument of justice. Liked the Sheriff too, cool cat that dude.
The ending was maybe a bit rushed considering the build-up but I get it and there's really not much more to say.
A question: What was the theme for this MP script. I read Pia's JuJu script as well (and imagine it was for the same comp) and both of your scripts featured inanimate objects that are somehow not that inanimate. Was that the challenge?
Stay frosty Rob
Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
First of your I've read. Impressed. The ending does leave alot to the imagination. Did she kill the Sheriff with Lydia? Did her give her the gun to kill the outlaw instead.
What was the theme for this MP script. I read Pia's JuJu script as well (and imagine it was for the same comp) and both of your scripts featured inanimate objects that are somehow not that inanimate. Was that the challenge?
This wasn’t written for MP, it’s just something I wrote on the side. But you’re right, there was recently a challenge in which the theme consisted of bringing back a body or inanimate object to life.
Don’t put my name and Messi’s in the same sentence, by the way. I’m not worthy.
I concur with those previous. Top notch. Absolutely wonderful...
...until that last, confounded scene.
There just isn't enough there, Z.
Everything before that scene is so good and so complete -- and that revolving chamber transporting us to a brand new locale is perhaps what makes it feel rushed.
I would encourage you to experiment with the exact, same set-up -- but add the outlaw to the scene.
Maybe in an adjacent jail cell? Lydia reveals him to us -- the actual guy, not the poster. The sheriff has captured him -- and did not even know it.
Then we can know the outlaw. Involve him in the conversation -- make it a 3-way conversation instead of a 2-way conversation -- and then the Miss has to make her choice. Right there, on the spot.
I think that would give this the resonance it is missing without adding a great deal in length.
A question: What was the theme for this MP script. I read Pia's JuJu script as well (and imagine it was for the same comp) and both of your scripts featured inanimate objects that are somehow not that inanimate. Was that the challenge?
The MP comp was to bring something dead alive...mine was the voodoo doll. This one was not in that comp. I bet he wrote this one on a lark to irritate all of us who are trying to get better.
I would encourage you to experiment with the exact, same set-up -- but add the outlaw to the scene.
This is an interesting idea. On one hand, I love it, because it would add a richer dynamic to the story and allow me to finish it without having to switch locations. I really want to use this but…
On the other hand, if the outlaw is already caught, the miss would know right from the start that she can’t collect that bounty anymore, and there would be no point in killing him. Unless…
The sheriff frees the outlaw making it look like the bastard escaped, so the miss can whack him and collect the $. Or maybe this is too contrived. Writing is hard, dammit.
And stop saying you hate me, all of you. I know you love me.
Okay, so I learned something by reading this, which is about the best compliment I can pay you.
The style is very interesting in that on the surface it appears to contain unfilmables, but what it does is evoke images which themselves are filmable. Extremely cool...
As for the story, you managed to create a supernatural, noirish Western in five pages - again, no easy feat.
And though Sniper says your style is impossible to duplicate, I know one writer that may blatantly and unashamedly try...
On the other hand, if the outlaw is already caught, the miss would know right from the start that she can't collect that bounty anymore, and there would be no point in killing him. Unless...
No -- the way I envision this is the sheriff spins ol' Lydia -- and it points to a jail cell O.S. -- the Sheriff realizes who he actually has in that cell -- the Miss turns to follow the gun -- and there is the Outlaw -- revealed for the first time.
"The bounty is still good," the Outlaw tells her, "Just get me outta' here."
And take it from there. I really think it could work.
No -- the way I envision this is the sheriff spins ol' Lydia -- and it points to a jail cell O.S. -- the Sheriff realizes who he actually has in that cell -- the Miss turns to follow the gun -- and there is the Outlaw -- revealed for the first time.
"The bounty is still good," the Outlaw tells her, "Just get me outta' here."
Yeah, this is how I understood it, and I'm very fond of this scenario. I was talking about the other bounty though. Not the one offered for the sheriff's head, but the one offered for the outlaw's head.