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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Creature Feature Moderators: bert
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  Author    Creature Feature  (currently 5668 views)
Don
Posted: June 1st, 2010, 5:53pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Creature Feature by George Willson - Horror - A young couple goes to an isolated family home only to become the victims of an experiment gone wrong.  103 pages - pdf, format


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grademan
Posted: June 2nd, 2010, 6:30pm Report to Moderator
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Hey George,

Here’s what I liked:

> Low budget feature.

> I liked the plain vanilla style you used. I mean that as a compliment. It made for an effortless read.

> I also liked how you let the dialogue flow without interrupting it with a lot of “she glances” and “he gazes meaningfully” intrusions in longer blocks of dialogue. Kind of refreshing really. I do that and wish I didn't.

> I thought the set up for Ethan’s fear of animals; the CD power cord, Mike’s pacifist leanings, and Dr. Horton’s callousness were good. I also felt for Sam and all he had been through.

> The ending satisifes.

Here’s what I didn’t like:

> Not all the details have been finalized.

> The story ran long after the initial scene where Sam and friends are introduced until we experience the MC. For a while it felt like a talking heads piece.

> Too many references to the dog waiting outside.

> Two typos p. 20 though > thought and p. 77 his towel > her towel. And I think you referred to MC as CM once.  MC = Michael Cornetto?

> This is a slow burn of a creature feature in a cottage and not a kin to those high octane creature in a cabin features.

Overall, I liked it and could see what you were doing as a writer but it could benefit from a power boost.

Gary


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grademan  -  June 3rd, 2010, 9:03am
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screenrider
Posted: June 3rd, 2010, 11:29am Report to Moderator
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George,

I've always held you in the highest regards as one of the most respected members on this site, which is why I was hesitant to leave a review after reading this script; but here it goes.  This will be my harshest review up-to-date.  I guess my first mistake is that I found myself  comparing "Creature Feature" to another SS script "Starvation Gulch", which was a great story, IMO.

Your story on the other hand fell flat on its face (for me) and here's why; bad title, unoriginal storyline, weak font, large blocks of dialogue, overly-written descriptive scenes, more telling than showing, oprhans running rampant, and last but not least; predicatable ending.  I've seen it a hundred times.    

Sorry for being so rough but I expected way more from you.  On a positive note; congrats on completing a full-length feature.  Not an easy task for anyone.
But this script, IMO, needs a lot of work.  

EDIT:  Three minutes has passed by and already I feel guilty for leaving such a negative review.  Does anyone else ever have this problem?    

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Grandma Bear
Posted: June 3rd, 2010, 11:42am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from screenrider

EDIT:  Three minutes has passed by and already I feel guilty for leaving such a negative review.  Does anyone else ever have this problem?    

I think Jeff and Balt struggle with that sometimes.  

Seriously, I think most of us here appreciate honesty more than anything.


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George Willson
Posted: June 3rd, 2010, 12:00pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Thanks for the reads so far. Didn't realize this was up.

So if you had been following this particular script, it was written in less than a month for one Randy Robinson, who asked for a creature feature with this basic plotline with some decent characters. He asked me to write it because he liked what I'd done with characters before.

So I banged this out in a little under a month, and this is basically what I sent to him. I had gone back over it once to make sure it wasn't a total mess, but I did not have the time to go over it with a fine toothed comb. I figured I'd post it to see where people found the weak points since a lot of it actually worked fairly well for me.

Some things I definitely knew about. The details: yeah, it may be all about the details, but I was also writing it for someone that had some of these details in his head and he just wanted a skeleton to hang them on. The most particular detail was the creature design. I did nothing on that because he had already done it -- I have no idea what it was supposed to look like. That section near the end where I said "It's your set, you mess it up" is there because he would never send me any details about what he could or couldn't do to this house, nor did I have a floorplan of it. Since it was for an existing location, I couldn't just go crazy there. I had a very, very basic idea of its layout and that was it.

Talking heads are basically how stuff is delivered when you can't show it due to budget, but I'll have to look to see what I did cheat on.

That vanilla style is basically how I've always promoted the spec style around here. Glad it made the read easy. I was just going for a skeleton of a story that a crew could use to make a movie. It allows for a lot of freedom.


Quoted from screenrider
Your story on the other hand fell flat on its face (for me) and here's why; bad title, unoriginal storyline, weak font, large blocks of dialogue, overly-written descriptive scenes, more telling than showing, oprhans running rampant, and last but not least; predicatable ending.  I've seen it a hundred times.


Screenrider wins the prize for the weirdest criticism, though. Weak font? What does that mean? It's courier 12-point. Courier is the standard. What the heck is a weak font? To address the rest of this laundry list, I know the title is bad. I actually suck at titles, and this is basically the "working title." Unoriginal storyline, I can buy that. There are few original ones left out there. Large blocks of dialogue are the curse of having no budget and needing to deliver exposition. I actually asked him about flashbacks and such to avoid these, but he preferred the monologue since it was cheaper. Overly-written descriptive scenes back to back with more telling than showing... Confused. Do you want me to show things with the description or tell what's going on? And if I might ask, what did I tell rather than show, other than in the large blocks of dialogue? And I don't understand "orphans running rampant." You elaborate that one for me. Sounds like you're critiquing the format a lot, and while I know what an orphan is, I recall clearing what I consider to be orphans up before saving as a pdf. Perhaps I missed a definition.

And as for a predictable ending... There are only so many ways to end this story, and I've honestly seen them all. This one could have ended a few different ways, actually, and I doubt any of them would have been unpredictable. I'm just happy I set it up well enough for you to not have an ending come out of no where.

I wouldn't be concerned about a harsh review. You write enough stuff and occasionally you miss the mark. Especially when it comes to writing off of someone else's idea.

And I've not read Starvation Gulch...


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screenrider
Posted: June 3rd, 2010, 12:16pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from George Willson
Screenrider wins the prize for the weirdest criticism


Does that mean I get a blue ribbon...or a gold star?

George, with all due respect, I'm not even gonna defend myself or get into one of these tit for tats.   I see Dreamscale doing that crap all the time and frankly it just gets real old, real quick.  I gave you my honest opinion with no ulterior motives other than trying to help.   Take it or leave it.  And at this point it's probably better if you leave it.


Quoted from George Willson
I wouldn't be concerned about a harsh review. You write enough stuff and occasionally you miss the mark. Especially when it comes to writing off of someone else's idea.


I won't take that little dig personal.  Everybody knows I'm a hack.     On a positive note, congratulations on banging out this script in less than a month.

EDIT; Definition of weak font.  It's too light.  Needs to be darker.  I'm assuming you use Movie Magic Screenwriter 2000.  I have the same problem.  That's why I switched to Celtix.

  



Revision History (1 edits)
grademan  -  June 3rd, 2010, 1:09pm
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Dreamscale
Posted: June 3rd, 2010, 1:26pm Report to Moderator
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How come my name keeps getting referenced in here?

Yes, Pia is correct, actually.  I do feel bad when I post a really negative review...especially when it's on a script from someone I genuinely like. I am always honest though, and it's good to see there are others out there who aren't afraid to say what they truly feel.

Nothing wrong with a little tit for tat, Mike.  Nothing wrong with a little tit or tat, either.
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George Willson
Posted: June 3rd, 2010, 1:42pm Report to Moderator
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I assure you, I wasn't attacking you, screenrider. Any questions I ask are just questions because I'm curious as to what you were thinking. I want to know the honest opinion behind your honest opinion. That's it. I've received harsher reviews than this, and I'm always curious about the details. If you hate something, that's cool. In fact, negative criticism is more useful than positive. In my case, I just want to know what it was about it that you disliked if I can't readily figure it out.

Grademan's negatives were pretty straightforward and specific. Can't disagree with them at all. Yours were a tad more vague, so I was just asking. I just can't do anything with the comments you left is all.

And when I say "you" I was actually referring to myself in the 2nd person, not you personally. I was saying that I write a lot and by writing enough stuff, I occasionally miss the mark. Can't be right all the time. I wasn't saying anything about you, nor am I trying to instigate anything.

And actually I use Microsoft Word. At least I did on this one. I made it a pdf using PrimoPDF, a free converter which does come out with light font. If I did it at home, I have Adobe Acrobat, which converts it a bit darker. Hence, this is the fault of the pdf conversion process, which I can try to fiddle with the settings on to correct, but it's not something that should make or break anything. I just thought it was odd that you placed so much weight on it.

you'll find that when it comes to criticism, I can take it all in stride. I don't get defensive.


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screenrider
Posted: June 3rd, 2010, 4:37pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from George Willson
I assure you, I wasn't attacking you, screenrider. Any questions I ask are just questions because I'm curious as to what you were thinking. I want to know the honest opinion behind your honest opinion.


George,

If I were to try and sum up my thoughts on "Creature Feature" I'd have to say it's just too wordy.  You're an eloquent speaker with a huge vocabulary and it shows in your writing.   And please don't make me provide specific examples.  I really don't have  time to get into it any further other than saying this script needs to be trimmed.  

As for the lack of originality IMO, it's like I said before, I've seen this movie a hundred times.  

I apologize for my sarcasm regarding your statement which I interpreted as a personal dig at me (and a funny one)    Internet communication can be tricky.

Best of luck with this script.   I still think you're one of the most highly respected members on this board.  You're just so level-headed.  

Btw, "Starvation Gulch" is in the horror section.
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jwent6688
Posted: June 3rd, 2010, 4:51pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from screenrider
Btw, "Starvation Gulch" is in the horror section.


If that's the re-write from about four months or so ago, I thought it sucked. The guy ruined it from what Jeff said.



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screenrider
Posted: June 3rd, 2010, 4:58pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from jwent6688


If that's the re-write from about four months or so ago, I thought it sucked. The guy ruined it from what Jeff said.


Have you read Creature Feature?  If not, then why are you even chiming in, you vampire-loving bloke.
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jwent6688
Posted: June 3rd, 2010, 5:25pm Report to Moderator
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I'm gonna read it. Like you never chimed in anywhere. Sorry George. Getcha a review soon.


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George Willson
Posted: June 3rd, 2010, 6:27pm Report to Moderator
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Meh, sideways chatter keeps it at the top of the boards, so I'm cool.

And yeah, if you want a real vampire comparison, you should read The Fempiror Chronicles. All the best parts of the vampire without any of the actual vampire. (disclaimer: Vampires not included. Books may differ considerably from screenplays.)


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screenrider
Posted: June 3rd, 2010, 6:51pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from George Willson
Meh, sideways chatter keeps it at the top of the boards, so I'm cool.


At the current rate I'm pretty sure The Gay Parking Lot will be at the top for a while.  
But I'd definitely like to see some other feedback of CF.   As much time as I've spent on it, I feel I have a vested interest in it.
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ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: June 4th, 2010, 6:25pm Report to Moderator
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George,

Always nice to see something new from a veteran of the board.  A professional at work here...  Some thoughts... JMO.  

Let me say, for only a month, I thought you did very good with this.  Low budget for sure.  As I was reading this, "Cujo," and "The Breed," came to mind.  Both somewhat similiar to this in their own way.

I think you went more for atmosphere then gore here.  I liked your hook from the get go.  Started off with a bang.  Most good horror scripts do.  I also thought you paced your scary scenes very well.  The no escape and isolated location.

I'm more of a blood, guts and gore type of guy, but to get under someone's skin, screw with their perception, and create a thick atmosphere of fear that they're genuinely afraid to move... I could sense a little of that in this.

This definitely have a feel of a more subtle slow burning horror film.  A good example of one was "Saw."  Aside from the so-so acting, it's a huge, confusing build up to a single outrageous, gory climax. Win.

I thought you gave a unique voice to each one of your characters, especially, Ethan, he was my favorite.  They were all very likable, well except one.

The satellite phone, when you introduced it in the beginning, I was just waiting for it to payoff in a big way, maybe we got it in the end.   I thought it was interesting how Emma was able to find it so quick.

Don't know if it was your intention but foreshadowing the other Mr. Horton.  Needless to say I was surprised.  Maybe I shouldn't have been.

I didn't like the ending here much, then again a lot of movies that end like this, I don't care for... but it works, so fair enough.

page#14, Mike's dialogue, maybe you're missing a "We."  Again on page#20, Emma's dialogue, after beyond, maybe a "Me."

Anyway, it was a breeze to read.  Clearly, you know how to tell a story but I'm sure you've been doing this for sometime, so my hats off too you.  Just my thoughts for what it's worth.

To both of you, good Luck with this.

Ghostwriter



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ghost and_ghostie gal  -  June 4th, 2010, 9:18pm
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