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Nicely done. Interesting take on how you approached things here. The ending was good too I thought. So In the grand scheme of things this definitely works IMO.
I think, in terms of this challenge, this script is pretty well done. The lyrics are nicely incorporated without feeling too tacked on.
One thing: when Jim sits inside a lighted room looking out the window, shouldn't the slug be INT. ROOM instead of EXT. MAYFAIR?
Herman
FEATURE:
Memwipe - Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.
Cindy, Cindy, Cindy...I really like it! Nice job here.
Well crafted, very visually entertaining, nice job with the lyrics...good story.
I didn't really like Jim singing the chorus again and again, but I guess it works for what it is. A few little typos, but really well written for eh most part, IMO.
Thanks for the reads Shawn, Ghost, Herman, and Jeff.
I'm glad you liked it. It was fun to write, and it was the first thing I've written since the OWC that Mike had for the dark.
Herman, to answer your question, we're seeing Jim from outside as he is inside, and in the window of a lighted room. (Was that more confusing? It sounded that way when I read what I was typing...)
I've got more reads to get to, but I'll have to do them tomorrow. I just got home from work, and now I have to cook dinner. Feeling a little scattered at the moment.
Thanks everyone for the reads again, Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Thanks for giving this a read. I used the singing part basically to fill in those words into the script. Jim was a little off or so they thought, so I thought it would work, too. You know, like when a song plays over and over in your head...
Oh well,
Thanks again for reading,
Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
I agree with the other guys - nice script. I was thinking that most of these would be very similar but its amazing they aren't!
Good visuals and locales in this. Jim singing? Didn't really bother me. It just adds to the overall weirdness of the song lyrics - did Zevon ever explain if it menat anything? And why was this great song never used in the classic film, 'An American Werewolf In London'? Anyone know? maybe WZ wanted too much cash...
Anyway Cindy, enjoyable romp through those london streets!!!
Thanks for the read, and the happy birthday wish. I had a great day, by the way.
I know, it's pretty neat how different the scripts are for this challenge. That's why I love to read the OWC scripts, too. Everyone has the same challenge, and they always come out so different.
I'm not sure why Zevon wrote this song, but he must have known it would be a hit for years and years. I'll see if I can dig anything up on that, and why it wasn't used in the movie. Seems like it would have been 'THE SONG' for it. Ya know?
Glad you liked it. Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
I did a little digging, and found some interesting stuff.
Phil Everly had asked Zevon and "Waddy" Wadel to write a dance song for the Everly Brothers called The Werewolves of London. So the two sat down together. Zevon had just gotten back from England, so he came up with the first verse. They went back and forth, and came up with this.
In some versions, Zevon mentions Jack Nicholson in the lyrics, often replacing the werewolf in the last verse. (I've never heard this version, but would be neat to hear).
Even though the song came out in 1978, and the movie in 1981, the movie Werewolves of London didn't use it. They used these songs instead: Blue Moon, Moondance, Bad Moon Rising, and some Royal Philharmonic stuff.
Why? I don't know. Couldn't find anything out about it, but the song was used in the movie, The Color of Money.
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Good effort overall on incorporating the lyrics into a full story. Didn't like the scene at Windor Castle though, seemed like it was just chucked in there for no apparent reason other than it's mentioned in the lyrics. As for Jim singing, it's okay, but you should consider cutting it down to a single line instead of having him singing the whole chorus.
Anyway, good work.
Cheers Rob
Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
How I went about this challenge was to write down my description of each verse as the song played out.
You didn't like their werewolf dance? Aw...
I used it to show that he had followed other werewolves besides the mysterious man, too.
I had a good time writing this challenge. It got me writing again.
Thanks again for the read.
Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
I think this one worked pretty well. You weaved the lyrics into a pretty tight story, and created some nice visuals. I'm a little iffy on the singing aspect myself, but I don't think it detracts too much.