SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 5:27am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Angel Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
AdSense and 9 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Angel  (currently 3203 views)
Don
Posted: September 13th, 2010, 5:05pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Angel by Javier Torregrosa (jayrex) - Short, Drama - Can Phil really save Michael from a life of drugs and turn his life around? - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
jwent6688
Posted: September 13th, 2010, 5:54pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Wherever I go, there Jwent.

Posts
1858
Posts Per Day
0.33
Javier,

Good show. Ha ha. Took this very seriously at first, then the comedy protruded, then the joke was on us. nice delivery. Enojoyed it thoroughly.

Proper timing I might add.


SPOILERS!!!!!!

Never thought of Phil as an Angel. Maybe Angel of Death. Definitely worth A read here for veteran S.S. folk.

Although, I do believe it wasn't Jeff's handy work they chased this lad off IMO. Rather his own overstepping of certain boundaries.

Psst, pretty sure he still lurks these boards. Good to see a poke at him for a change.


James


P.S. Hope he has the same sense of humor he thought everyone else should have while doing his own parodies.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 20
jayrex
Posted: September 14th, 2010, 2:56am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22
Cheers for the upload Don.

Thanks for the read James, much appreciated.

I was inspired from a moment back in June/July, (can't remember & can't check using this mobile), between Phil & Michael.  And remembering what Michael did when he first started here I thought it would be humorous. Couldn't find any of his scripts so couldn't use any past material.

The ending I'm not sure about as I've changed that about a few times.

I wanted to throw in a few more cameos but felt it worked as it is.

Happy you enjoyed it.


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 2 - 20
Dreamscale
Posted: September 14th, 2010, 10:12am Report to Moderator
Guest User



Hey Javier, not sure how or why I found this, but I did...all on my own, even!

Here's what I think - "It’s littered with like a thousand mistakes, bad grammar, poor
sentence structure, a non-existent story. Just a complete waste of my time."

HaHa!  How's that?

Funny stuff here.  I got a few laughs.  Well done.  Now, I have to get back to being a prick.

Later.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 3 - 20
jayrex
Posted: September 14th, 2010, 3:14pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22
Hey Jeff,

Cheers for the read, much appreciated.

Happy you got a few laughs and took this in good spirits.

Now, I wonder how Michael will take this?

All the best,

Javier


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 4 - 20
Thornton
Posted: September 15th, 2010, 3:15am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
58
Posts Per Day
0.01
Hi,

I enjoyed this, but I think I may still be a bit of a newbie to the boards to fully appreciate the humour/background.

It's nicely written. I thought the start was particularly good: extremely visual and a little different (which is always a bonus).

Regards,
Thornton
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 20
jayrex
Posted: September 15th, 2010, 12:40pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22
Hello Thornton,

Cheers for the read, pleased you enjoyed this short despite not knowing the background to this.

Reread this again and found a few more mistakes.  Darn, fixed them now.

All the best,


Javier


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 6 - 20
Electric Dreamer
Posted: September 16th, 2010, 10:01am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Taking a long vacation from the holidays.

Location
Los Angeles
Posts
2740
Posts Per Day
0.55
Thanks for the upload, its a pretty fluid read.
I'm new here, so I don't get all the in-jokes.
That being said, I still chuckled here and there.
Your action description is a little chunky at time, "lightning filling the room."
I was like, "Whoa, really?" Then I figured you meant it was the light from the bolts.
The dialogue feels natural and I was never bored, good work!


LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 20
dogglebe
Posted: September 16th, 2010, 12:03pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



I generally don't read Simply Scripts as I was never happy with how the people/characters are portrayed.  I don't think the writer knows the others enough to capture them on paper.  With the Summer 2010 Clusterfuck, I think there was enough fodder.

I was cute, and I chuckled more than once or twice.


Quoted Text
        MICHAEL
Yeah, like I'll ever write a bestseller.

        PHIL
You sure won't.


Funny.  And eerily prophetic.

About the only thing missing was the mention of talking head machinimas.


Phil (no angel)

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
dogglebe  -  September 20th, 2010, 9:02pm
Logged
e-mail Reply: 8 - 20
jayrex
Posted: September 19th, 2010, 12:20pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22
Thanks for the read Electric Dreamer, happy that you weren't bored and thought it was a good read.  I didn't really fill it with many in jokes, so hopefully the average Joe would like it too.

Cheers for the read Phil.

I was wondering how Michael and Jeff would take this more than yourself, as I intended to make you the good guy in this script.  Considering the argument that went on before.

Once the idea came to me, the rest pretty much wrote itself.  I was please with some of the lines I wrote, especially the ones you've highlighted.

Maybe Michael would be kind enough to make machinima out of this script?

Javier


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 9 - 20
jayrex
Posted: September 24th, 2010, 6:06pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22
Wow, quite a few comments whilst I was out.

Cheers for the read Michael, and I'm happy that you'll get over it when I crossed the line.

I've written like four/five scripts on religious topics and they're not very positive.  So if you thought the comment of Jesus was bad, you should stay away from my scripts.  I've done far worse on Jesus in four scripts, and God like once, and other characters.

On a side note, if people are always finding God, how come he goes missing all the time?

Oh, and I'll change that can to a bottle if that's you're preferred drink Phil, or should I use a pint glass?


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 10 - 20
mcornetto
Posted: September 24th, 2010, 6:07pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Javier,

Since we're here to discuss this script, I figured I'd give it a read.  Especially because it's about Michael - which could have been me - but wasn't - Whew!

The basic concept here is pretty well done.  I can relate with it.  Do you remember my Machinima from a while back about the same sort of thing?



Anyway, shameless plugs aside,  I thought you handled things well.  It wasn't so insulting that those involved would take exception, though I think Phil might not like being associated with angels.  Dunno.  

I got a laugh at the booger line though.  

Otherwise, you had lots of typos.  Definitely work on that.  I know it's hard to do but it's necessary in something this short.   And I wasn't sure I really understood the ending.  Was Phil working with Jeff to make people turn their back on screenwriting?  If so, HA!

Good work.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 11 - 20
jayrex
Posted: September 24th, 2010, 7:30pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22

Quoted from screenrider
unlike Angel, Cornetto's Machinima was genuinely funny.    You should try following his lead.    



Each to their own.

Looked up these quotes, even though I wrote what I did in jest.  I suppose it's a good response.


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 12 - 20
Don
Posted: September 24th, 2010, 7:42pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
The thread has been cleaned out.  Limit your discussion to the script.  

Don



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  September 24th, 2010, 8:08pm
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 13 - 20
Coding Herman
Posted: October 9th, 2010, 4:09pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Toronto, Canada
Posts
455
Posts Per Day
0.09
LOL, I did had quite a few laughs reading this. It was a zippy read, too.

Too bad I just checked this out later than everyone else. Wanna see how Phil, Jeff, and Michael respond to this.

Okay, not bad, could be better.


FEATURE:

Memwipe
- Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 20
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006