The Eye by Cindy L. Keller - Short, Horror - A murderous eye is created, and wreaks havoc on a small town. Two teen boys want to destroy it, not only to save the day, but to become heros who get all the babes. There is also a guest appearance role for Bret Michaels.  17 pages - pdf, format

This was a fun and goofy, Cindy.  Definitely in the vein of R.L. Stein.  There were plenty of jokes and thrills for kids, but (more importantly) a lot of jokes  adults.  The NAACP reference was funny, as well as Bessie running gag.

About the only fault I found in it was that it ran long.  Your descriptions were a bit wordy at times.

...a decomposing corpse rests inside a coffin. A droplet of water splashes down onto its eye. More drops follow, one after the other.

could be cut to

...a corpse inside a coffin. Drops of water splash down onto its eye.

This rewording just chopped a line off the script's length.  And there's plenty of places to do this.

I really enjoyed this.


Phil

Phil!

You liked my script! I think I'll do a little happy dance now.

...

K, now I'm back to normal again.  

This is my contribution for Halloween.  
I was really wanting to turn this into a feature. Who knows. I'll see what others say, and let it sit for a while then go from there.

Thanks for giving it a read.
I see you have a new one up. I'll check it out.

Cindy

Well Cindy,

This was quite interesting.  Definitely over the top.  You had a little of everything in this little puppy.  I wanted to slow down for a little breather, but you didn't give it too me.

The beginning with Kathleen was good.  

Humor in horror's is always good, breaks things up.  And you've got plenty of that going on.  Maybe a lot more then horror here.  But nevertheless.... this was a enjoyable read for 17 pages.

Good Luck,

Ghostwriter

Quoted from ghost and_ghostie gal Well Cindy, This was quite interesting.  Definitely over the top.  You had a little of everything in this little puppy.  I wanted to slow down for a little breather, but you didn't give it too me. The beginning with Kathleen was good.   Humor in horror's is always good, breaks things up.  And you've got plenty of that going on.  Maybe a lot more then horror here.  But nevertheless.... this was a enjoyable read for 17 pages. Good Luck, Ghostwriter

Oops, what I meant to have instead of just Horror: Cheezy B Horror/Comedy, in the same vein as Killer Tomatoes.


Thank you for giving it a read, Ghost. I appreciate it.

Cindy

Cindy,

Congrats on THE EYE! Very good, liked the story and fast pace. Also, the FBI dialogue was funny. The whole thing went way over the top when the Bret inpersonator said that line. Very imaginative and visual. A fun feel to it all.

To improve? Mmm. A shot of the eye on the beach in close up mode, Maybe. Good stuff.

Gary

Quoted from CindyLKeller Oops, what I meant to have instead of just Horror: Cheezy B Horror/Comedy, in the same vein as Killer Tomatoes.

Maybe, adolescent horror...


Phil

Hey Gary,

Thanks for giving this one a read. I'm glad you like it.
It was a lot of fun to think up.

A closeup of the eye on the beach?

Maybe. If it ever gets produced, they could play some silly music as it creeps toward the water. haha

Thanks again,
Cindy

Quoted from dogglebe Maybe, adolescent horror... Phil

Yep, could be.

Phil,
Just so you know, I'm still reading your script. I should be able to finish it tomorrow since I have the day off of work. I like to finish them in one sitting, but I've had too many things going on at one time lately... It's pretty interesting so far though. You have some colorful characters that make me smile. Really like Iggy.  

Cindy

Possibly one of the oddest script I've read here...and I can't say I didn't laugh.

I'll kill you, eyeball!

Poor Kathleen probably wouldn't gotten away with it too if it weren't for that pesky photoreceptor!

Cindy,

EYE liked it.

It had an absurdity that is right up my alley.

Cindy, you always know how to put the simplist spin on something and make me laugh.

Great job. For a Monday, that was just what I needed.

Shawn.....><

Hey Howard,

Thank you for giving this a read.  

Yep, Kathleen probably would have gotten away with it if she wasn't so hell bent on revenge, and just dropped it after she killed him, but she had to keep on, and plant flowers on his grave because he was allergic to them in life.   A woman scorned...

Anyway, I'm glad you got a laugh. That was my intent.

Cindy

Shawn,  

How have you been? How's your comedy coming along?

Let me know when it's done. I'd like to give it a read. You can email it to me.

I'm glad you liked this script, and that it made you laugh.  

Thanks for giving it a read.

Cindy

Cindy,
I have been great. Thanks!

I just completed the first rough draft of Mission Style if you would like to read, and offer some input.

I always value your thoughts on writing. I will send it over.

And YES, I really did enjoy your script. I could not quite put my finger on it until last night.
It reminded me of an old Fat Albert cartoon. The chicken heart that ate New York. Did you ever see it? Funny stuff.

Take Care.

Shawn.....><

Cindy,

I'm sure I've read something by you before, but I can't remember. It's nice to see something new here with your name on it, though, as I feel we should be closer. Or something.

This was a nice little short. Very creative, and I've honestly never heard of a killer eyeball before. When I saw this posted on SS, I thought it was a remake to the American remake of the Japanese horror movie. Or a remake of the Japanese horror movie from the mind of someone else. You know what I'm trying to say. This was far from what I expected though.

I loved the beginning with Kathleen, and I thought it was a great opening. The rest did get really silly, and this whole thing seemed like a lot of fun to write. It doesn't take itself serious and everyone seems like they have a lot of fun in the script (besides the people who get killed). I liked how the eyeball had sharp eyelashes that it used to kill, and bounced people to death. That was pretty creative.

As Ghostwriter said, I wanted a room to breathe, but you didn't give us a chance. But the fast-paced action was well done, so I thought it was funny how one thing would happen, and then another thing would happen without a beat. Keeps you interested.


Sean