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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Tomorrow Moderators: bert
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  Author    Tomorrow  (currently 4733 views)
Don
Posted: October 9th, 2010, 6:43pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Tomorrow by R.E. McManus (rendevous) - Short, Drama - Hugh is not you. Today is not good for him. Tomorrow's probably gonna be worse. 3 pages - pdf, format


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screenrider
Posted: October 9th, 2010, 7:09pm Report to Moderator
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Very interesting.   Well done.
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rendevous
Posted: October 9th, 2010, 7:13pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks SR. It was time for bed, but you know I respect your writing, so I take that the right way. Now, where's my bible, ah yes, today it's Cythia's book about John. There's loadsa ways to worship God. Hope he let's me in.

Speaking of which, thank you Don for putting me up. And putting up with me. Always appreciated. My best to you and yours.

R ox


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
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Zombie Sean
Posted: October 9th, 2010, 7:34pm Report to Moderator
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There's honestly....nothing I can say about this. Except for the fact about how I strangely liked how calm Hugh was while everyone else was running around like "headless chickens." That was pretty interesting. What's in store for him tomorrow? How will it get worse? You're leaving us in suspense here, Rende...

Sean
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Electric Dreamer
Posted: October 9th, 2010, 8:27pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Ren,

Thanks for the upload and the read.
Hugh is one cool dude.
Maybe he should be PM eh? =p
I like his attitude and the pedestrian shuffle. I've done that before, heh.
BTW, is "barstards" spelled in correctly on purpose? =p

Regards,
E.D.


LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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LC
Posted: October 9th, 2010, 8:54pm Report to Moderator
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Ren, wow, you make it look so easy now. First impressions: This is a very nice, very competent, short script - pertinent to what's going on in the world. You pack enough political/social commentary and drama into a very short piece. Your main character is an 'everyman' most people will relate to and you've also got an 'Asian' character who it also turns out is an 'everyman' as well... and yet he's not, is he. Rhetorical, that. And then the irony of that last line. Bit like 'Crash'. Very simple, but quietly ingenious & effective. Right at the end, I chuckled at that dialogue - should make the audience think, that line, cause at first you just read it, then you think about it.

I'll have to read through again to see what I might critique negatively. Don't want you getting a big head or anything. Maybe there isn't anything to get. I'll see. N' I will let you know if I find something.

Where's that Craig btw? I miss him.

LC

P.S. Now if only I could master the art of squishing D&M into a short space.
Re ally is 1.5 pages in'it?
-----


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Coding Herman
Posted: October 9th, 2010, 10:12pm Report to Moderator
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Hey, I think this can be even shorted to one page, but that's not the problem I have, I didn't quite "get" what you're going for here. Is the last line of dialogue supposed to be a punchline? If it is, then it just went over my head.

Writing wise, you can introduce the MAN as HUGE right away.

Nothing much to add. I didn't understand it. I hope you can enlighten me your intention.


Herman


FEATURE:

Memwipe
- Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.
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rendevous
Posted: October 10th, 2010, 3:26am Report to Moderator
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Herman,

I liked introducing him the way I did. And it's Hugh. He does a have a huge one, but we won't get into that here, kids might be reading. We'll have to wait for the water shed. It's beside the boat.

Here's the thing you may need to know. Governments in Europe and The US keep putting warnings of possible future terrorist attacks. Personally I'd much prefer they arrest the terrorists before they set off their bloody bombs. Call me old fashioned...

Regarding my last line, have you ever been in a city when a bomb went off? You have now. It's called Tomorrow.

LC,

Obviously my head is as HUGE as Jimi Hendrix's was. Plus I'm not dead yet. Still, the day is young. Where's my whiskey?

I too miss Craig. I recall him having a bit of a benny at the Mods one day and, being a man of his word, he promptly buggered off. Wasn't he from Derby. Bloody cold round there this time of year. He's probably got a sheep and is using it for warmth. The nights are getting longer and Ren is getting dafter.

I don't want you mastering the art of sqwuishing. I don't need the competition, thank you. Bloody Ozzies. Always nicking our best bits then...

ED,

PM? Couldn't be any worse than the last few. For a Tory DC ain't too bad. But he's still a bloody tory. Not living under them lot again.

I usually put a 'r' in bastards. Just an inflection quite popular with my gang in Manchester.

Sean,

Love the name Sean. There was one at school and daft people called See-anne. Fecking eejits.

It can always get worse, Sean. I've heard it can also get better. But then again, it's a fillum.

Thankyou all for the reads and comments. Appreciated as always. Keep cooking, and er, y'know.

Later

R ox  


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
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Andrew
Posted: October 10th, 2010, 4:36am Report to Moderator
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Ren,

It's pretty obvious you are posing questions here, and not looking to provide the answers; giving us enough to muse on the latent racist tendencies that underpin a certain view of the 'terrorist threat'. Viewing this through the lens of the working class man - and likely a product of Thatcher's failed generation - we see the world in narrow scope, or at least that was my interpretation.

Ambiguous and provoking.

Btw, apologies for not emailing you back. It's been pretty hectic over here. Would love for you to have a read, if and when you can.


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Eoin
Posted: October 10th, 2010, 4:57am Report to Moderator
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just another ego maniac with low self esteem

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Rendevous,
                This deserves a double shot of 18 year old Jameson - it's not every night you can say you had two 18 year olds now is it? I like it. Then again I favour shorts that have something to say. Thumbs up.
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rendevous
Posted: October 10th, 2010, 5:30am Report to Moderator
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Eoin,

I did last night. One was Stottish though - ran outta Jameson. A constant problem in this house.

Thanks, fella. For the comments, I procured the 18 year olds all on my own. I wish.

AA,

As perceptive as ever. You're right. Although I'm sure you're not a tory. Ah, political humour. Must behave. Left. I'm a proud unrepentant socialist republican. Although spending a billion Euro every year on a president when there's starving barefooted kids in our cities is a bit like having a Monarch.

However, some have so many shoes and full bellies. I'm glad I'm not a politician. I'm more your dissenter type.

Oh yeah, end rant, continue script stuff. Thank you Andrew. My life is also getting more hectic. It is better than being bored I say though. No worries about the email, fella. Keep doing what yer doing. Must be good.

R ox


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
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rendevous
Posted: October 13th, 2010, 4:05am Report to Moderator
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I see threads getting locked. I hope they won't this one.

Er, I may have contributed.

Okay, if anyone wants a read, and I've not forgotten you Yeaster, read this, review and I'll return. I was gonna fix my house's drainage today. But, seeing as I'm renting and outta here soon bullocks to that.

I'll be clear. Wanna read stuff. Yeaster's first. Unless Stevie, Balt or AA PM or email.

And, for feck's sake, let's be good.

Bad as it is, we're not Chilean miners.

Up the miners!

R oxo


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
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chelsea
Posted: October 13th, 2010, 5:39am Report to Moderator
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Hey Ren.

Good shot! Very nice. Concise thought provoking and dead pertinent.

Well done.

Martin.


My Scripts:

Hail The Cabbie. Appx. 9 pages A taxi ride to the absolute terminus.

Pink is the New Black.10 pages. Homophobes beware!

The Bullet Train. 5 pages. Economy equals retribution.

Pillow Talk. 4 pages. It's hard to bear sometimes.

The perfect Ending. 8 pages. Amy's present is her past.



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rendevous
Posted: October 13th, 2010, 6:16am Report to Moderator
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Marty,

You're not Scorcese, are you? Oh, go on. Please.

Thank you. I've got a long list of return reads. For some bizarre reason you seem to be near the top.

Soon, if I fail, and I have occasionally, please PM me. I won't mind. Just don't hit me with mail when I'm in the middle of my method acting arguing mode. Seems to happen too often these days. What can you do? Everything, if ya put yer mind to it.

You can PM me anytime, as can anyone.

Thank you for the kindness. I need it today. Bad morning, know what I mean.

Cheers, fella

R xo


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
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chelsea
Posted: October 13th, 2010, 10:04am Report to Moderator
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Hi Ren.

Yeah I know exactly what you mean. Been getting more than my fair share lately too.

Just keep on doin' it bro. S'all good!

best.

Martin.


My Scripts:

Hail The Cabbie. Appx. 9 pages A taxi ride to the absolute terminus.

Pink is the New Black.10 pages. Homophobes beware!

The Bullet Train. 5 pages. Economy equals retribution.

Pillow Talk. 4 pages. It's hard to bear sometimes.

The perfect Ending. 8 pages. Amy's present is her past.



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