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The Zombotard by Gary Murphy (murphy) - Short, Horror - When two bankrobbers hide out in an abandoned old house while waiting for a storm to clear they end up with a dinner guest they were not expecting. - pdf, format
Haha funny stuff Murphy. First one I've read and it's a pisstake already!
Couple of things in there that are similar to my script, so yours must be good. Nice writing style, easy to read.
My biggest complaint is that you didn't name the rat. So he feels like a very generic rat with all the gnashing and chewing and knuckle-humping. I think we could empathize with him more if you gave him a name. Maybe Leroy. Or Graham. Yeah that would work.
I hope to see Ray go and film this himself with his garden hose and other garden-related equipment being used as props and for effects. Should be a spectactular result.
Although clearly parody, I actually enjoyed it for what it was. I do hope these types of scripts are kept at a minimum, but fear the worse. It was funny at times. The Hawkings bit was good. The 1st part of the script is very well written and shows the talents present, but I feel, and this is in no way a cut or blow, most will do these parody script for sanctuary. They'll submit these kinds of scripts as a security blanket of sorts when/if they should come under fire. Simple saying "It wasn't a serious attempt anyways". When the writing skills shows otherwise. Almost bleeding off the page and pleading with the reader just how good an actual OWC could've been from the writer in question.
Very well written, just not my idea of meeting the challenge. It'll probably easily be the best of the parody scripts, though. It was cleverly written, well written and very versed. So for that job well done. I just, as I said, hope there are more serious attempts.
3rd script down. Very pleased so far... 3 very different attempts so far.
I have to say this was an excellent imitation of a Robotard script. But I would also have to say that it had way too many asides. And while the Robotard scripts also have too many asides which goes even further to prove my point that it was an excellent imitation, I hope that you have now gotten those asides out of your system so that you can write a nice script in your OWN voice.
I liked the mouse because it sort of reminded me of Death of Rats from the Terry Pratchett books. I didn't like the Thriller ending but I suppose there really wasn't much of a different sort of way that you could end it.
Howdy Murph! See, I told you not to have worried about it!
Despite being a parody - it's technically not a pisstake to me - the writing is still very fluent and visual, as Balt pointed out. This elevates it from the classic OWC pisstake IHMO. Pisstakes are usually written in a fast way, while the inspiration is there; sure, this was inspired by the requirements, but Murph did his homewrok well, and still constructed a solid core of stroy, to go with black humour.
Murphy, if you were a mad scientist this script would be your abomination. I liked how it started with the mouse and how everything connnected like falling dominos, but then it just got real old real quick. Too much B.S. - even for a parody, IMO. I like Robotard scripts, but even he knows when to pull back. You went full bore ahead.
With all that said, it's clear to see you just decided to cut loose and have fun. So, congrats for that. You defintely got some talent. I'll be curious to see what kind of a full-lenth feature you hammer out.
I see you changed a few things up but like Stevie said, nothing to worry about. Good funny script.
Balt does have a good point as well as Mcornetto. This was your getting back into the game script. Lets see those skills come through on something new soon.
Fun to write. Less fun to read. All the uber stylings turned me off. I do marvel at how good you are at parody, makes me want to read other works of yours.
It's a slow read, some clever bits, nicely irritating rather than funny, I think. Those asides could be made into voice overs by an unseen narrator, no sense wasting them.
I just watched the original Solaris then had a wander outside in the bright sunshine with the dog and the quiet and the birds and the insects. Sometimes living in a field up a mountain with no one around can be paradise. For some reason I could hear Russian voices and I felt almost like I was on alien world. Might have been the whiskey. Er, ah.
From the title page I guess you must be a Tenacious D fan. In which case you get cake, sandwiches And biscuits / cookies with your cuppa tea round my house. My where is my pick of destiny.
Smartarse transtions from the off. Okay. We'll go with it. I did read one from a black guy in L.A. about gang wars that started Fade Motherfuckin In:. It's a start...
This feels more like Bates Motel land than mine. Mind you, that's not saying much. My place is just plain weird. Like me. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be writing about your script. Did I tell you about that transsexual the other night? I will, maybe later.
Not sure how you film the Smell Is Insane. I guess some could. Particularly with the right rat. Ah, you did!
I've done scripts with big bags of money in them. My my current big plot bags usually have whiskey or lager in them, how times change. Still, early days.
Lot of weing going on. Like a kids playground with we. And plain old instructions. Apart from that it's very good. But that's just me. I don't. So I get this strange feeling nobody else should either.
Bit hard on Madge. But made me laugh.
I get the feeling you're of the Shane Black look at me Now school of screenwriting. Somebody's gotta promote this stuff. A little less blatantly in the story perhaps. Oh, I dunno.
I'd have argued Einstein was. Or perhaps Jimi Henrix. But Stephen is nobody's fool.
Alright. This could go on all night. And I have to wash my underpants.
Good work. Bit crazy and showy. Which is like a bee calling a wasp too yellow and black. Fun and enjoyable. It reads like you drink more than I do. And have become addicted to the really strong cough mixture I was once so fond of.
Murph, the first of the pissers..and I was worried mine would be accepted. Ha!
Hey, listen, unlike many others, I personally don't have a problem with a pisstake, and as long as they're funny and have some sort of meaning, or reason to be, I'm cool with it.
I think you took this too far, honestly. As a few others said, this was far from an easy read. I think that's based on extreme over-writing, as well as just taking the piss too far.
I did laugh numerous times, but I also cringed and rolled my eyes numerous times. As Cornie said, the asides were just WAY too overdone to the point they got irritating.
Story-wise, there really isn't one, sorry to say. With many pissers, that's the case, but I thought you were actually going to have one here, based on the way things started out.
I will say that in places, your writing looks good, and it's obvious you have improved quite a bit from back in the day. But at others, it's just too far out there, as if you're purposely trying to piss people off, and I don't think one should ever go that route.
I didn't hate it, but it was pushing the limit constantly. When it's all said and done, I guess I can't to be too harsh on a script that references the same celebrity I used in mine.
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The Zombotard - OWC
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