To Know by James Williams (jwent668 - Short, Horror - The adulterous wife of a psychotic crime boss learns a few things about death when he sends her and her lover on an errand. - pdf, format

This was an interesting read.  I thought the characters were fresh and different from all the others that I read from these scripts.  Pretty well developed.  

It was a quick and easy read.  One small problem I had with it was that Norman came off like a stuck record, repeating the same line over and over again.


Phil

Quoted from dogglebe One small problem I had with it was that Norman came off like a stuck record, repeating the same line over and over again.

Then I accomplished my goal! I wanted him to be a bit crazy and annoying so it would be believable as to why Derek shot him so fast. He couldn't stand him either.

Thanks for reading. Glad you liked it mostly.

James

This would be a great short film.   You should expand it into a full-length feature.

A+ for originality.  Not much else to say.  I liked it.

Good, fast read.  Very tight, economical style that I like.  Creative set up with the philandering wife who doesn't know she's gonna get it.  I like the use of the house almost as a character in itself.  Limited page space, I know, but I would have liked to have known a bit more about Norman and why Zucker needed him dead.  I know he talked to the DA, I just wish you shed a little more light on that aspect of the script.

The ending was okay, but I guess I was hoping for more of a twist.  Anyway, great job James for an OWC.

Ryan

James,

Great job. Now that I know you were going for Norman being annoying on purpose (of course, I suspected that... right.) I appreciate it better. I was a bit befudded why Norman was there but I reread it. Got it. Good style you got going here!

Six days, Cool.

Gary

Quoted from Ryan1 The ending was okay, but I guess I was hoping for more of a twist.  Anyway, great job James for an OWC

Damm! I guess I missed my mark. Was sure everybody would buy that Anette was going to starve/dehydrate to death in the house. I thought when she got out and finds Zucker has different plans for her,  it would surprise most. Tried to set that up early on with Jimmey story getting thrown into a cellar full of bees. Taking six days to die.

Thanks for reading Screen, Michael. Was waiting for you to complain about the profanity. Was planning on answering it with some more.

@ Gary, You may be the first to read one of my scripts twice. I thank you, thank you.
Glad you liked it.

James

Hi James. Not much more to add to my original comments as a pre-read!

Nice effort, good pacing, it stuck to the rquirements. One of the best so far!!

stevie

PS - THE NINERS FINALLY WON A GAME - WOOHOOO!!!

Hello! Before I say anything else, let me tell you that there is a typo on the very first paragraph of thr script. "It's windows" should be "Its windows." Okay, moving on:

Your writing is not bad, that being said, I do belive it ocassionally missed a few important details -- being perfectly descriptive sometimes, and not being descriptive enough other times. You say Derek "starts kicking the boards," for example, but you never follow through with it and the next time after his dialogue he's at the front door shooting at it.

You kind of broke the rules, too; you had four characters instead of three. And although Zucker is never seen, his role is still rather substantial.

--Julio

Quoted from ReaperCreeper You kind of broke the rules, too; you had four characters instead of three. And although Zucker is never seen, his role is still rather substantial.

"Limitations: You only have three human actors - two male and one female. (adults who can play between the ages of 18 to 80). "

Was ready for this, kinda. Never said Zucker was human. Muhahaha......

Sincerely thanks for reading. Will find yours if I haven't already...

James

Hi James,

Thought this was more fun than horrific but it was entertaining.
I'll admit to being a little confused by the ending at first because I went by the slug "the next day" and not six days later. Maybe showing signs of Derek and Norman decomposing would have helped. I'm assuming Annette pulled the trigger. Perhaps I have all this way wrong!

Malc

Very suspenseful and thus intriguing. I breezed through it and was done in five minutes.

I did not understand the ending. don't know what happened to her in the end, he did say "did you miss me" but he's sick, I can't know the exact meaning of this, can I... I have a vague understanding... - thinking she went back to the house to spent the rest of her six days there.

No explanation to how he does it but somehow I did not miss the explanation that much.  

James,

Congrats on completing the one week challenge!
This was a smooth read for me. Your technical skills are solid.
I dig the dialogue, but was a bit put off by the ending.
The climax fizzled instead of sizzled. I wanted more affair stuff.
The phone calls seemed a bit convenient, no real tension going on here.
The characters are lively, which is an accomplishment for a short.
The wheelchair guy didnt have much to do but be a bit crazy.

Good job, but I prefer your characters and action to your plot.
Extra credit for having a less traditional setup for your script. Thanks for posting!

Regards,
E.D.

Fantastic formating and the writing was pretty sharp 85% of the time.  There were a few instances that missed the mark, but it's all preference at the end of the day.  I don't believe, since we never see Zucker, that you broke a rule here.  I did something similar using VO work in my script.

It reminded me of a more entertaining Ring in some ways.  The characters were all nicely brought to light and the story came to a head in a satisfying conclusion.  I don't like everything spoon fed to me and I often like to draw lines myself.  I did that a few times with this script.

Good entry to say the least.

SPOILERS

I thought you achieved real tension in the plot and even though the characters are not especially likable the audience would likely care about what's going to happen to each of them -- and there's a true feeling a horror regarding Annette's fate.

The voice on the phone and the dreadful building seem like extensions of the same character, making the captive 3 seem all the more vulnerable, subject to some nightmare outcome.

Good job -- and I'm sorry I posted my original comments in the wrong space.
C