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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Star Kids Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: November 6th, 2010, 6:58am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Star Kids: Season 1: Ep 01: Awakenings by S. A. Goodman - Series - Captain James Avery stumbles upon three children on board a damaged spaceship, taking them on board, he discovers not is all at it seems about them.  Episode one of a childrens/family space adventure series. (24 pages) - pdf, format


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Erlend
Posted: November 10th, 2010, 9:44am Report to Moderator
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Hi!
Do you want a script exchange?
We've got a script here called White Snow - 33 pages.
There's two of us willing to read and give you feedback


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mndbnks
Posted: February 5th, 2011, 11:00pm Report to Moderator
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I definitely liked Star Kids.  

Instead of The side of the ship has a name across it.  It is called the "Destiny".  Maybe
On the side of the ship "DESTINY" is spelled across it.  Or The Name "DESTINY" is spelled out on the side of the ship.

There are a couple of things that can be modified like instead of saying
The doors split into two and slide apart as he exits the control room cockpit.

You can say The doors slide open or slide apart.  Or the doors to the infirmary slide apart.  etc.

He turns his head, trying to gather his senses of where he is.  (The other part is internal)  Maybe say the child looks confused.

I like the Captain and the kids.  It didn't start off well for them, but I like how the captain and Abeona realize how much they want them around.  I would love to see this series become reality.  


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mndbnks
Posted: February 5th, 2011, 11:11pm Report to Moderator
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Oh I forgot to mention on page 7 you spelled the computers name as Abeola.
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