A Trip to the Beach by Liam Sheppard (liam197199) - Short - An eventful day at the beach for three strangers.  3 pages - pdf, format

Any time people refer to a body of water a "THE SEA" I always find it peculair and automatically assimilate the story with folklore.  I don't know why.  "THE SEA" is just cause for parody for some reason.

Anyways, yeah, fun filled day of cheesy fun until someone gets hurt... Rather all of them.  So, for 3 pages you can't establish much.  What you did establish is that these 3 people had no real reason to kill themselves.  Everyday people could only be as lucky as to have the day these 3 just had.  And then in the end, with the chairs and the hill??? C'mon, it wouldn't happen like that.  What'd they kick the chairs away from?  How were they sitting in these chairs?  It just wasn't explained well. I got the visual that these 3 yodles were sitting on a hill, watching the sun, they stand up and kick their chairs away and are about to break into a song and dance number with how cheesy it all read... Not, stand up, kick the chairs away and hang themselves on a hill which lends no credence of believability because you didn't establish where and how this was to take place.

Like, if you said they were all on a branch getting ready to jump into the "SEA" below and then they got hung, that's different.  The way it is... I just can't gather the facts.

Also, 1st line of Dialog is "LAST ONE IN IS A ROTTEN!"

Is a rotten what?  And they're excited about being rotten too.  I think it should read

"LAST ONE IN IS A ROTTEN --"

To show a break or trail off in dialog and then on to the next scene.

edit:  

I went back to re-read the last page set up and it makes more sense but not much.  The rope would have to be very short for this to work.  On top of that, the hill they are sitting on makes it nigh impossible to achieve this hanging.  This isn't going to snap their necks, you know that right?  There is no weight on them. They will dangle and kick and gasp and be in pain for sometime before they die. (IF THEY EVEN DO) It's not as glorious as you made it out to be.  These idiots aren't brave and carefree is what I'm saying.  They're just stupid.  In reality the scene would be rewritten with these morons tip toeing on the ground trying to get the ropes off their necks.  You have to rewrite the ending.  You have to.  It has no basis in reality.  At all.  Zip.  Zero.  Nigh and Nill.