Jabberwocky by Tyler Daniels - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - Based on the poem by Lewis Carroll.  Through a detective and a reporter's investigations, a young boy's terrifying encounter with an infamous creature takes form. 7 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Okay - I think it's an interesting idea, but if you're going to write a script, then you want to make a film - one follows the other..., so I think you need to decide who you audience is - kids or adults - with this kind of work, I think this needs to be made plain & clear - this falls inbetween, as I don't think you ahve written with an audience in mind... this is really something that you would commit to film for a children's show, so I think it should be targetted to kids from the start.

You have used the poem as your base, but I think you need a little more work to get you input to be a bit more creative; the idea behind what you are doing is fine, but it came across as a little flat. You descriptive terms are a little over-long; I think you could have said a little bit more, and used fewer words.

I think it is okay for a first draft, but as you are using a fantasy-poem as your base, you could do well you reflect that more in your story-telling.

Good luck

Simon