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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Remember the Lighthouse Moderators: bert
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  Author    Remember the Lighthouse  (currently 1089 views)
Don
Posted: April 3rd, 2011, 8:23am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Remember the Lighthouse by Joe Waniewski - Short - {no logline} 6 pages - pdf, format


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khamanna
Posted: April 3rd, 2011, 11:02am Report to Moderator
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The format is all wrong but this was touching and I thought that your dialog was very good. A bit formal towards the end for me but still very good.
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Forgive
Posted: April 16th, 2011, 2:50pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Yeah - I found this quite touching - like khamanna, I thought the dialogue was actually quite good. Have you tried Celtix? - scriptwriting programme - it was sort out a lot of your formatting errors.
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dogglebe
Posted: April 16th, 2011, 3:53pm Report to Moderator
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This was a nice story.  The formatting was off a little, but it was still an easy enough read.  You should leave little things, like camera angles, out of the script.

Your dialog was a little forced and artificial at times.


Quoted Text
          HOMELESS MAN
I guess you could say that. A long time ago, when I was about
your age I think, I used to take trips to the ocean with my father.


could be better written as:



Quoted Text
          HOMELESS MAN
I used to take trips to the ocean with my father, when I was your age.


When you have two people casually talking, keep it short and simple.

Hope this helps.


Phil
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Peter Breeze
Posted: May 13th, 2011, 8:00pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Joe,

I liked it. I have to agree with the above comments about the formatting. Camera shots and direction should be left out. I use Final Draft for formatting. Nice story line.

Peter
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