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Black Easter by Timothy O. Riley (mitzjob)_ - Horror, Sci Fi, Fantasy - Armageddon has arrived. Through the offices of a black magician, a megalomaniac arms dealer and a idealistic Catholic mystic, in one fateful night, all the demons in hell are released upon the world. God is dead and the city of Dis rises in the desert. 118 pages - pdf, format
I really wanted to try and get into this script. Being EASTER and all, I thought I would give it a shot.
Stoped at page 5. Where to begin...
First off, GREAT JOB for completing this script. Writing one is a fantastic undertaking. From what I got off of those pages, you have a general dark story going but it is completly nuddied down by all of the injected stuff.
When you write a script, you write the script. Not the angles, music, complete wordrobe, ect...
Thsi thing is so pulled down by all of this, that I simply can't get around it to read the script. It's like haveing someone interrupt you every 10 seconds during a movie.
And the --. Man they are EVERYWHERE. I am not even sure why but there must be hundreds of them. Another thing is that you don't introduce anyone. We need something to tell us who they are.
Also, just stick with a single font. Please. You have bold, slanted, areal, cambria, etc... 12 point is the standard I believe.
These are just some basic things I wanted to bring up. When all of them are smooth, there is nothing left but the story. when all of them are glaring at you. It is dimply too hard to read.
Rewrite it cause, I think you might have a decent enough story here.