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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Centergate Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: April 24th, 2011, 10:52am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Centergate by Chad Carr - Short, Comedy - A high end apartment complex with high end residents have to deal with low end sarcastic leasing consultants. 18 pages - pdf, format


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marvink
Posted: September 4th, 2011, 9:10am Report to Moderator
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Chad, first of all congrats on completing a short screenplay. That is a feat in itself. However I'm afraid I could only make it through the first three pages before I was forced to quit. Your formatting and spelling leaves a lot to be desired.

First off your title doesn't need to be on the first page of your script and you should start with FADE IN:, no big deal and standard stuff. Your first scene heading is spaced incorrectly. it should be INT. LEASING OFFICE - DAY  Again easy to fix this one and all the rest that are spaced incorrectly. Your first action line reads: The leasing agents get clocked in for work and begin there daily check ups. What does this mean? "There" should be "their" . This wouldn't be so bad but you use these two words incorrectly throughout the first three pages in action and in dialogue.

You need to introduce your characters in caps before they have dialogue. Right off the bat Stacy and Chris have a speaking part but no intro. Then Nikki and TJ have dialogue same thing no intro.

What is this "Interview Stacy"? I don't get that. Should that be a voice over, is that your intention? You use that a couple more times as well.  

The whole story is muddled and unclear, as well as the dialogue. After three pages I, and maybe it's just me, didn't have a clue what was going on in your story.

I wish you luck in your re-writes. Read lots of scripts on the board. Keep working at it, I'm sure you can whip this one into shape in time. Good luck with it. Marvin.
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