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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Action/Adventure Scripts  ›  Godzilla: Rebirth Moderators: bert
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  Author    Godzilla: Rebirth  (currently 11487 views)
Don
Posted: May 18th, 2011, 5:44pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Godzilla: Rebirth by Adam Baker - Action, Adventure - Rebirth follows a father and his young children attempting to escape a city under siege by the giant radioactive monster, Godzilla. It’s a thrilling, action-packed, reimagining of Godzilla in a gritty and realistic portrayal of an actual monster attack on modern American soil. 90 pages - pdf, format


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Don  -  June 29th, 2011, 6:27pm
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: May 21st, 2011, 11:30am Report to Moderator
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While I'm not the biggest fan of fanscripts, I always adhere to these three principles:

1 If the author has enough energy to write a fan script, why can't they write something that is original to them? In this case, instead of Godzilla, it could be a new creature altogether. We have in fact seen that quite recently in films like Cloverfield and The Host - even The Sandman in Spider-Man 3 turned into a sand monster-  yet it has the "spirit" of the Godzillas, Mothras, Ultraman.
King Kong, etc. Using pre-established (copyrighted) characters puts a strike against the work, no matter how good it may be, as the work cannot be sold.

(2 It's been my observation that whenever I read a fan script the writer will make several errors regarding the characters and situations, writing things already known, all for the sake of looking cool/being a fanboy or worse, having the established copyrighted protagonists face a problem, only to have those problems solved by an outside character of the writer's own invention. Godzilla seems to somewhat exempt here. Well, not really. Now Godzilla is a mindless bloodthirsty beast who we don't really see until about p44 out of 86 written pages.

Quoted Text

Godzilla is covered in jagged scales and spines. He is enormous and horrifying. His eyes are white and pupil-less, and his mouth lined with rows of wicked teeth.

The remains of the ferry PILFER around him, blood trickles down his spines. His trademark roar threatens our ear drums!


I highlighted the 'trademark' part, because unless you want to redesign like Roland Emmerich and Patrick Tatopoulos  did back in the late 90s, (Godzilla attacked NYC, by the way) we already know what Gojira (Godzilla) looks like Which makes most of the description redundant. Not to mention that you mention blood on the spine, presumably from the victims. Coming up from the waters, we can't see the 'blood' on his spine. Humans are like bugs to him.  

On p47 Godzilla takes out the train. Nice to see, but it's been done.




In the logline, you call this 'reimagining'. Aside from the fact that such info should not be in a log line, this just informs that you plan to change rules effecting Godzilla, his appearance or behavior In truth, you don't do anything too radical. Having the monster having a mean streak isn't as novel as you might think. Aside from the original, there have been recent attempts to bring Godzilla to more on a menace level- and Hollywood has killed such projects. Will the new project be any different? (There IS one on the way) We shall find out soon enough.



Most of the events before then have a 'Cloverfield' and 'War Of The Worlds' kind of flavor to it. Not a bad thing, but kind of meh. The > > > dream sequence > > > early on is a big mistake. It adds no new information, can be questioned and takes the reader out of the current situation. 'Tis a lame detour and it's hard to recover from these things.


3 It's also been my observation that many fan scripts are written by those who feel the uncanny urge to throw in tons of camera angles. It is even worse in my view when camera shots are called and they are incorrect of themselves.

Take for example, this passage:


Quoted Text
It wails again. We pan back, listening to its shrill cries from the darkness


While there "is" a light source mentioned in narrative above this (thus "from the darkness" isn't needed and it is contradictory) let's look at that camera direction.

Pan back.

See also p46


Quoted Text
Godzilla raises a gigantic arm and SLAMS down on the front portion of the ship. We pan out to see the front quickly SLUMP into the water...



p51 "We pan back..."



For future reference: Pan is left to right.

Now on p44 We finally see Godzilla "In his glory!"). I'm a bit confused on this. With all the aerial and crane shoots, you are saying then I didn't see Gojira yet? No, he's behind walls of smoke   Whatever floats the boat.


Additional tech issues:
Page numbers should be in upper right, not bottom right. Watch the orphans.


Treat this like an excersise. Avoid camera angles - especially when you use the wrong usage of them. Godzilla may be more menace like he was in his roots, but the famous monster becomes all but a piece of window dressing.

-D


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106

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DarrenJamesSeeley  -  May 21st, 2011, 11:41am
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Andrew
Posted: May 22nd, 2011, 1:19pm Report to Moderator
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Regards question 1, it's a good practice tool for any writer. Adaptations (and/or reboots) are a large part of a writer's job description at this point - demo'ing you can bring something fresh to an established character, or at least having experience of it, is invaluable.


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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: May 22nd, 2011, 5:06pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Chaff

Regards question 1, it's a good practice tool for any writer. Adaptations (and/or reboots) are a large part of a writer's job description at this point - demo'ing you can bring something fresh to an established character, or at least having experience of it, is invaluable.


Did you write this?
Did you read it?
If you wrote it did you read it?


Since you throw me a bit of Vanilla Sky--yes, Cameron Crowe remade Alejandro Amenbar's 1997 film Open Your Eyes. Now ask yourself : did Cameron Crowe write the adaptation on spec? The answer is no. He also was a co-producer and he directed. So putting the clip up doesn't really back you.

As I mentioned above, a new Godzilla film is being developed (by Legendary Pictures in association with ToHo) and, again, the script here (Rebirth) doesn't "reboot" or  "re-imagine" anything. Repeat, maybe, but not much other than that. Like I also said, this script (in my view) didn't bring anything "new" to Godzilla. Godzilla is attacked, he smacks down F-14s, trains and causes other property damage. There's nothing really new. Sure, it would be nice to see that for the 100th time, but so what?

If you want to try adaptation, go for subjects that either you hold the rights to, or shop around for public domain. I am not against that. Even I did that once (public domain).
But Baba Yaga is one thing. Godzilla is another. Who will this script be shown to? Could it be sold?

Not that it matters anyway- the script is loaded with (incorrect) camera direction, an early dream scene which takes us out of the action at hand, and incorrect placement of page numbers. Put me in a Vanilla Sky dreamland all you want to- it won't change a thing. If you wrote Rebirth, you can go back and change it.

Rewriting comes with adaptation too.


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
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Andrew
Posted: May 22nd, 2011, 6:10pm Report to Moderator
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Dazza,

It's not a clip for you - it's in my signature. And it's Magnolia, not Vanilla Sky.

I know there's a Godzilla remake afoot. It's directed by the guy who directed Monsters. I was simply defending the decision to write something as an exercise or to sharpen skills from source material you don't have rights to. I didn't bother reading the rest of your review. And no, I didn't write this script.


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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: May 22nd, 2011, 8:19pm Report to Moderator
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The Magnolia-Van Sky thing was my error, and I didn't know it was part of your signature.


Dazza?


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
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Vaproductions
Posted: May 24th, 2011, 2:31am Report to Moderator
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Yeah man Godzilla 2012 is coming out from Warner Bros and Legendary Pictures but good luck with this getting made thereafter.
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Rath
Posted: June 9th, 2011, 9:24am Report to Moderator
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Is there an Agent in the house?

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Nothing wrong with writing this material....always gives it a fresh slant on an existing character (this case - Godzilla).  

Did you enjoy writing it...why Godzilla?
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mazmik
Posted: June 9th, 2011, 5:20pm Report to Moderator
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If it moves - film it

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Enjoyed reading this as i have most of the scripts on here
As far as I can see practice makes perfect.
So long as you learn from your mistakes, it's all good.
Good luck


In film - nothing is impossible

A PLACE FOR FRIENDShttp://www.simplyscripts.com/scripts/APLACEFORFRIENDS.fdr.pdf
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Alpha85
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I appreciate all the reads guys, and definitely love the criticism. Thank you for at least giving the script a look!

Darren, your advice/criticism was fantastic. I've really wanted some real intense feedback for months now. I've just completed a major rewrite that (hopefully) cleared up all of the quirky errors like the camera mistakes you noted (and all direction period), some grammar, typos, and some other things I was unhappy with.

While I am a fan of Godzilla (who isn't?) I really wouldn't consider myself a 'fanboy' and actually got the urge to write a Godzilla flick when I heard about the Legendary/Toho endeavor. I couldn't get it out of my mind so I put my current project on hold to see what I could come up with.

The 'reboot' angle is a tricky one. I wanted some ties to the original film while at the same time giving some thought to newcomer's who don't even know what Godzilla is. I realize that it borders on remake/reboot/sequel but I just tried to tell my story. Speaking of which, his train snack was a nod to the original.  

I did have a redesigned Godzilla in mind as well. At least something that could fit more into the 'scary' or 'dark' portrayal in the script. The dream sequence is from an idea given from a friend, I had no idea that it bogged the story down that much, but looking back I agree with you!

I assumed there would be more wrong with the formatting than what I got too. I had used an old template on Microsoft Word to write it up before converting it to pdf, so the page numbers will be corrected.

Thanks again to everyone that checked it out, hope you've enjoyed it!

EDIT: Rewrite it up! Thanks again for the reads, hope you enjoy!

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Alpha85  -  July 1st, 2011, 2:58pm
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Hellbender93
Posted: January 15th, 2012, 5:56pm Report to Moderator
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I've been reading this script for a few months now; I have to say I'm impressed.

I myself am a huge fan of the Godzilla series; I have been as long as I can remember.

This modern, gritty take on the Big G is something I've wanted to see for a LONG time.

The human characters are done very well, something the Japanese films usually fall short with. David Martin is a nice change compared to all the Shia Labeouf fillers that usually infest today's action/science fiction films. We truly feel his pain and suffering as his world is destroyed and his family members die off one by one. Said family members are well done, his kids don't come off as annoying and the ways they die are truly heart wrenching.

As for the monsters themselves, they fall a little short, particularly the title character. I like some of the design ideas you have for Godzilla, namely the multiple rows of teeth and the jagged, scaly skin. Otherwise, your Godzilla seems a little bland. I myself made a Godzilla design that I'd love to see in the 2014 LP film:

http://hellbender93.deviantart.com/art/Gojira-Bust-279328017

My other problem is the approach to Godzilla's character. Here, Godzilla is portrayed as an evil, gore thirsty destroyer. Godzilla should bear no true malice towards mankind and he does NOT eat people. When first entering the city, Godzilla should seem confused and overwhelmed; most of the initial damage dealt is by accident. Godzilla doesn't begin a true attack until fired upon by the military and/or challenged by another monster.

As for the train scene, it would be much more true to the character if he didn't eat the train. Basically he could bite it in half, still killing the people inside, but spitting it out after that. Essentially he attempts to eat the train out of curiosity, but doesn't like the metallic taste and spits it to the ground.

Godzilla's fighting style in your script is done very well, particularly his battle with Anguirus.

Speaking of Anguirus, this design falls a little short as well. Over all, he seems just as bland as Godzilla and I don't like the description of his teeth. Instead of being needle like, I think they should be more akin to thick, razor sharp tusks. I could also imagine Anguirus' skin being bumpy and covered in warts as opposed to Godzilla's jagged scales.

However, I think it is alright to have Anguirus eat people and be a mindless, bloodthirsty animal. It would make a nice contrast to Godzilla's more confused mindset.

Design wise, Anguirus falls short mostly in terms of color, as does Godzilla. The usual gray and brown coloration is usually used as camouflage. Godzilla and Anguirus are far too big to hide and these colors aren't particularly eye catching. For Godzilla, I think something along the lines of the 2000 design's colors would work, as shown in my design.

As for Anguirus, I could see him being a mix of blues and reds. Believe it or not, this would have been his original color scheme!

These new colors are more interesting, as well as making more sense. As I said earlier, Godzilla and Anguirus are far too big to hide.  Brighter colors make for better threat display purposes, something that makes more sense biologically. Anguirus could use a brightly colored underside as a threat display when he rears up on his hind legs or when he's trying to bite Godzilla's throat.

In terms of design, I imagine a mix of these two redesigns:

http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/043/4/d/Anguirus_turnaround_by_KaijuSamurai.jpg

http://th00.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2011/139/4/7/anguirus_by_patriatyrannus-d3gpevj.jpg


My other big gripe is the city used. New York City is VERY overused. It also seems strange that Godzilla would travel such a great distance to this city. I'd suggest using a city on the West Coast instead, maybe Los Angeles or even Seattle. These cities are much closer to Godzilla's native country of Japan and are far more interesting choices than Manhattan. The location of these cities, especially Los Angeles, also tie the plot together a lot better. The human characters would be closer to and much more aware of the phenomena occurring, namely the devastation of San Francisco. You could also have the news report on the destroyed battleship take place in the Hawaiian Islands.

Despite these gripes, this is still the best Godzilla script I've ever read and I feel that it has a LOT of potential.

Also, here are some pieces of music I listened to while reading your script and I feel that they could cement the hypothetical musical style of this project:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....p;feature=plpp_video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM7NGyHCYWM&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-VCEGpeMVg&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL
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Alpha85
Posted: January 16th, 2012, 8:50pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you Bender for the thought out and detailed opinions. It's great to get some critque from a hardcore Godzilla fan (which it seems that you are).

Glad you like the characters, and I'm glad you had fun with the script. Unfortunately, the version still up here is a very, very old draft, but it nonetheless is what I had envisioned while writing.

It's intereting that you took so much stock in the brief descriptions of the monsters, something which the screenwriter really has no say in for the final film. In a perfect world, I should have given no description on Godzilla at all and maybe just a sentence or two with Anguirus, as the common film-goer (or reader) may have no idea what or who he is.

The descision on Godzilla's 'character' or lack thereof was a difficult one, but is something I have taken into consideration for my rewrite. Godzilla himself SHOULD be a character all his own, unique and heroic, likable yet frightening. It's a tough balance, especially for a 160-foot character with no dialogue and a knack for (inadvertantly) killing people.

Many aspects of this script did not excite me the way a true Godzilla film should. I was ultimately unhappy with many things and have actually begun an entirely new script (new story, new characters, new plot, everything) to replace this one. However, I greatly appreciate your read and may one day dust this thing off and give it some love.

Very glad you enjoyed it though. For as old as this is, and as crappy as it is, it makes me feel good knowing that someone enjoyed reading this and had an experience! Thanks again!
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Hellbender93
Posted: January 17th, 2012, 12:26pm Report to Moderator
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Your welcome, you're a very talented writer

Ah...

Still, detailed, fresh monster designs can add a lot to both the final film and the script it is based on, IMHO

Also, I really like how you describes Godzilla's dorsal plates looking like jagged coral.

Again, I could see Godzilla wandering into the city out of curiosity, or perhaps tracking Anguirus. Once he arrives, he inadvertently causes destruction due to his huge size, but is not actively attacking.

The military soon arrives and fire at Godzilla. Godzilla then attacks the military, but is still now purposefully attacking the city itself. Of course some buildings get destroyed, but mostly due to them being in Godzilla's way in his advance against the army. At this point, I'd imagine at least one soldier (Aaron) realizing that firing on Godzilla is both useless and only angers the giant creature.

Godzilla defeats most of the military units before turning around in the direction of the ocean. Just as he steps into the water, he stops and sniffs the air. He snarls and heads back into the city. Anguirus burrows out of the ground and the two kaiju start fighting.

I like how you described Godzilla calming down after killing Anguirus.


In terms of Godzilla's character, I have always viewed Godzilla as the original bad ass while also being somewhat sympathetic.


Can't wait for the new script! When might it be out?




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Alpha85
Posted: January 18th, 2012, 4:49pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you again Bender.

I actually just finished a draft I'm happy with, but I don't know if I'll be posting it on the site.
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Hellbender93
Posted: January 21st, 2012, 6:23am Report to Moderator
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Your Welcome

By all means, post it!

Also, I know that the writer has no say whatsoever in the film's musical score, but here are some soundtracks I listened to while reading your previous draft, as well as what I imagined in a new Godzilla film in general:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....p;feature=plpp_video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6deLTucEn9w&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....p;feature=plpp_video
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