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Way of the Warrior by Emil Garuba (rated e) - Sci Fi - In a distant future, a warrior goes up against the forces of a powerful empire as he seeks revenge for the murder of his lord and master at the hands of a corrupt nobleman. 121 pages - pdf, format
This was my second screenplay written as my graduate thesis. I am currently adapting this to an African setting but you can read it in it's original form. Plus, I hear Keanu Reeves is attached to a big-budget hollywood reimagining of the same story called the 47 RONIN. I'll go watch it.
You can request such a thing in the "script exchange" thread if you like, you can also read/review a few other folks as well. I'll have a look at your sp here, and I'll get back to you some time in the next few days. Probably Sunday or Tuesday.
But let's get a few things out of the way right now. Your title page. Use 12 point courier font. I've seen it go high as 14 point, but it's best not to push it past that. Also, the first page is blank! I also note you're one of those bold header people...
And there's quite a bit of past tense action going on, prose... but I will commend you for having a character called Atalanta. That's not an easy name to say out loud without thinking about Atlanta. Least for me anyway.
But why do you have the scene headers with the location such as EXT. DOCKS - PLATEAU TERRITORY - DAY and then remind us, in bold, where we are again?
Check this passage:
Quoted Text
EXT. BRONBURG TOWN - DAY Sebastian enters the TOWN through the main entrance. He makes his way towards the town square where he finds a MONUMENT of a Dayspring Paladin prominently displayed. He stares at it for a moment and then inspects the rest of the town.
BRONBURG - PLATEAU TERRITORY
The streets teem with activity. Customers crowd the INNS, some too drunk to walk, and stagger down the street. The various SHOPS and STREET VENDORS also seem to be flourishing.
EXT. BRONBURG TOWN - CONTINUOUS Sebastian makes his way through the narrow streets, passing townspeople going about their daily endeavors.
You have a 120 page script, (I'm not counting the first All White Page) and if you need something to cut, here it is:
Quoted Text
EXT. BRONBURG TOWN - DAY Sebastian enters the TOWN through the main entrance. He makes his way towards the town square where he finds a MONUMENT of a Dayspring Paladin prominently displayed. He stares at it for a moment and then inspects the rest of the town.
BRONBURG - PLATEAU TERRITORY The streets teem with activity. Customers crowd the INNS, some too drunk to walk, and stagger down the street. The various SHOPS and STREET VENDORS also seem to be flourishing.
EXT. BRONBURG TOWN - CONTINUOUS DAY Sebastian makes his way through the narrow streets, passing townspeople going about their daily endeavors.
Something wrong with just those few lines? It shows me all I need to see.
Speaking of showing:
Quoted Text
Priscilla and Sebastian lock eyes for a moment, a moment that lasts a lifetime. It's something Sebastian has never felt before.
...Don't tell me about it.
I also noted Sebastian does a lot of walking and sightseeing to get where he's going. Unless there's really something meaningful on his jaunt, can we just get to where we need to get to?
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Way of the Warrior
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