Echo Park by Marvin K. Perkins (marvink) - Short, Murder Mystery - The year is 1952, the place Los Angeles. Dirk Bogart, private investigator receives a mysterious visit from a beautiful woman by the name of Angela Devine who convinces him to take a missing person case against his better judgement that plunges him into the dark world of a hitman by the name of Vinnie "the pick" Demucci. 31 pages - pdf, format

Marvin, I apologize up front if you take what I say as being mean, cause that's not my intent.

But seriously, man.  Check out what you posted.  Your first page has "1." in the top right corner, followed by "by", left aligned, on the next line.

WTF?  Absolutely terrible way to start, cause it makes me think you didn't care enough to even read through this a single time, or you would have caught this.

Then, we've got your title page...oh boy.  Look at your title.  You've got "by" after the title, then again below it.  Again, looks to me like you didn't even proof this once, and that's just unacceptable.

I'm not going to even comment on the script itself, other than 1 piece of advice - once you intro a character with a full name (first and last), don't continue using first and last name in your dialogue boxes.  It looks bad...funny, almost.

Bottom line is that you just can't have these simple mistakes right out of the gate, cause it's just a monstrously HUGE red flag waiving at us, telling us you don't really care about your own script.

Hope I've made my point.

I made it to page 3.  This type of story is not my cup of tea, its been overdone imo, although I will applaud your effort in writing 31 pages, which is no easy task.  

Marvin... I kinda liked it. The cliches were a bit over done but it sorta added to the period piece. When she tells her story it should have been shown as a "Flashback." As you can probably tell I have mixed feelings about this one.

I do however agree with Dreamscale above, you should have cleaned up the obvious mistakes before posting.

Write on,

Peter

Thanks for he comments everyone. Sorry for my sloppiness. I have no excuse. The consensus is I suck. Well, that's cool, i can accept that, no problem. I will keep working and striving to be better. I thank you for your comments. I prefer them over being ignored anytime. marvin.