Stay Warm by Steve Burton (SBurton) - Short, Drama, Family, Love, Compassion - A man with his young son offers comfort to a homeless man which also provides a break from their grief for the recent death of Mary, a beloved wife and mother. 11 pages - pdf format

For production consideration - No comments required

Hi Steve,

The story line just doesn't go anywhere. You have a writer having been rejected, advising his girlfried, and giving a coat to some homeless guy. Tell us why he did that. Tell us how the homeless guy felt. Tell us more about his girlfriend. Tell us how he felt being rejected.

Describe your character in more detail. Is he tall or short, fat or thin, dark hair or light, that kind of thing.

Formatting and slug lines are off. Read other scripts in here. Get an idea of what a properly formatted script is supposed to look like.

The story is good as far as it goes.

Write on,

Peter

Steve, I'd say this is a great exercise in brainstorming a story on paper, but its far from a great script - or even a good one for that matter.  Maybe try combining a number of the descriptions in a single flowing manner as opposed to the stop and go delivery you've written out.  That would be a good start.  Having a point to the story that ties in with all of the other things happening would help too...  Good luck!