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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Mother Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Mother  (currently 769 views)
Don
Posted: September 30th, 2011, 6:21am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Mother by Julio - Short, Horror - A mother cruises a mountain road after a long needed vacation.  But after their vehicle crashes in the woods, She must do what she can to ensure her son's survival.  10 pages - pdf, format


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TheSecond
Posted: September 30th, 2011, 11:04am Report to Moderator
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The surface is home to the mindless. Go deep.

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I really like the concept, but the writing and formatting left much to be desired.  

Your slugs are in dire need of repair, and the pacing of the action/dialogue needs to be thoroughly refined.  

As they say here on the boards, read as many pro scripts as you can and keep trying!  
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darrentomalin
Posted: September 30th, 2011, 2:39pm Report to Moderator
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I liked the story, was wondering which direction the ending would take us - light or dark, hope or loss? (never an easy decision
Need some work on formatting, description and sluglines.
A nip here, a tuck there.
Definitely one to revisit after you've done a few more and picked up a few more tricks.


http://darrentomalin.webs.com/index.htm

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