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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Romantic Comedy Scripts  ›  Fans
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Don
Posted: October 2nd, 2011, 5:23pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Fans by Steve Burton (steveb) - Short, Romantic Comedy - Walter sits alone in an empty theatre to wait for a Greta Garbo film to begin, and then Carrie, a stranger, sits next to him. Confrontation ignites; technical problems delay the screening, humor, and then this couple share surprise revelations. 10 pages - pdf format

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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (6 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  September 18th, 2018, 4:08pm
revised draft
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Dreamscale
Posted: October 2nd, 2011, 7:05pm Report to Moderator
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Sorry, Steve, but this is formatted completely incorrect...like everything about it.

I recommend you get your hands on some screenwriting software (Celtx is free), and read all the scripts you can to see how to do it correctly.

Good luck.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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mcornetto
Posted: October 2nd, 2011, 7:12pm Report to Moderator
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I have to agree, Steve.  Your formatting is in dire need of assistance.  It's kind of amusing actually because it doesn't seem like you did it by margins, it seems like you did it by eye.  So some margins seem diagonal and some seem just plain random.  

Use Celtx like suggested above. It's free.  There's also http://scripped.com/ which is free and online.  But you really need the software otherwise you'll be dealing with people complaining about this sort of thing - forever - and never reading your scripts.
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skp1987
Posted: October 3rd, 2011, 5:14pm Report to Moderator
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I'm guessing this is one of your first screenplays, and that's ok, got to start somewhere. I cringe when I look at the fruit couple of screenplays I ever wrote. The formatting of a script is really important, people just wont take any notice of your writing if the formatting is off. But it's good tat you've copy written it.
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rc1107
Posted: January 19th, 2013, 1:45am Report to Moderator
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Hey Steve.

I saw this was a revised draft from 2011.  Unfortunately, the same formatting problems are still there, and you clearly are still using MS Word based on the still-incorrect margins.  ;-)  I'm speaking from experience.  I was a Works and Word user because I hated celtx and the other software, so I used Word until something better came up.

And it did.  Trelby Screenwriting Software.  It's free.  Google it, Bing it, Dogpile it, ... whatever,  but you certainly need it.

So, formatting and over-slugging your scenes aside, I actually muscled through it to see if there was a good story here.

Unfortunately... nothing happened.  It was not interesting at all.  I didn't learn anything about the characters, except their fans of Greta Garbo (and I'm assuming you're one as well.)  Well, I found out their jobs.  And that's all.

This was just weird and not the surreal kind of weird that makes things cool.  It was... well, sorry to be cruel if that's how this sounds...  pointless.

The height of the film is that secondary characters make out and one of them has a film in a festival?

I see you've got a couple scripts posted this week, so I don't know if this is your David Lynch-story or something, but I don't know if I want to find out if the others are any better.

Sorry.  Maybe make the formatting corrections to this one to prove you're trying and for me to see if you're around (I see you've got a screen name), and I might check out another story from you.

- Mark


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sniper
Posted: January 19th, 2013, 4:22am Report to Moderator
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Is Steve around? Me thinks not.


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
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Fausto
Posted: December 28th, 2016, 3:28pm Report to Moderator
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Steve,
I would make the slugs more clear...all those "following" should be replaced by the standard format....keep in mind that each slugline requires a change ...lights, actors, location, cameras etc. and this should be clearly indicated...every change carries a production cost . I like the premise but the script should be revised accordingly.
Happy 2017.
Fausto
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