Infliction by Kevin Dean - Short, Drama - Leona is young,pregnant and treated violently by her husband but it's not only her at risk.  25 pages - pdf, format

This is all I read:

INT.LIVING ROOM.LATE NIGHT 11.30PM
LEONA a pretty women with long dark hair and heavy purple eye shadow stands in her living room. There is a loud
bashing sound on the front door. LEONA has tears streaming down her face she is pregnant and only nineteen years old.
CUT TO:
EXT.LEONA’S PORCH.LATE NIGHT
Just outside the door is LEONA’S violent and drunk husband KURT. He is a solid man with a skull surrounded by fire
tattooed on his left bicep,He is twenty four years old. KURT is bashing on the door violently with his fists.

There's a hundred different ways to put this. One of them is below.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT.
A tired, unkempt room.
LEONA (19), pretty, long dark hair, heavy purple eye-shadow and pregnant. Tears stream down her face.
There is a repeated BASHING on the front door.

EXT. LEONA’S PORCH - NIGHT.
KURT (24), a solid man with a skull tattoo on his left bicep, BANGS the door violently with his fists.

The script has some formatting issues. Read some scripts on this site and you'll see what I mean. Some of your action scenes are blocky with long paragraphs.

Story wise - I had a problem with Kurt the antagonist. He is too one dimensional. I know he's supposed to be a wife beater and woman hater. But at least show some flashes of his charm. Leona can't be so stupid that she started dating this person if he was always a bad guy.

I think she says "it's not his fault". Why would she say this if he's too one dimensional?

Work on Kurt's arc more, fix the formatting and cut stuff out so you have a lean and compelling drama script.

or this:

INT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Dumpy apartment.  

LEONA (19) used to be a hot babe until she get pregnant.

She's crying as her tatted up bruiser husband, KURT (24), pounds on the door trying to get in.

As said before shorten up descriptions. This is something I had to learn. But both examples given above are excellent.

Also, remember to show us instead of telling us in your actions.

Her house interior is more richer then LEONA’S. More richer doesn't work and also another example of you needing to visually show the reader.

Some of the dialogue doesn't make any sense throughout the story.

Format, spelling and grammar problems throughout.

I don't think that police have the time to sit and watch a house over domestic abuse. I couldn't even get them to go look for my jeep when it was stolen.

The story. I have to say I didn't like the ending at all. If you made your characters more interesting and made the struggle more real. For instance, most violent drunks, always apologize, send flowers, say they'll never do it again etc the next day. You could have thrown some of that in there to make them more believable. The end, I disliked the most. You already had Kurt going to jail and telling them he had contacts ...warning them...but none of that played out. I know everyone wants a happy ending but a more meaningful ending could have been ...after all that she loses the baby or something more dramatic and consequential.

Keep working on it. And best of luck in the future.

Quoted from Pale Yellow This is something I had to learn.

I think that you've read enough scripts and given enough feedback to merit not excusing yourself any more. (lol )

Quoted from Forgive I think that you've read enough scripts and given enough feedback to merit not excusing yourself any more. (lol )

LOL I've read a lot over the last month, but I still learn something new every day!