Rapture by Tasha Henderson (tashajh) - Thriller - Taking place in the early 90’s, using interrogations, interviews and flashbacks, the story of how three, seemingly normal, young adults can commit some of the most heinous crimes a small town in California has ever seen.  120 pages - pdf, format

Hello Tasha - interesting idea here.

Wasn't too sure about the initial image - I did't get the impression that Jori was 'very beautiful' considering the activity she was engaged in - seemed to clash somewhat.

I'm not too sure the '1992' is part of a slug - would it be better a super?

The way it's structured does give it some mystery and intruige, but I couldn't thinking that the 'way you write it' seems a little bit flat - might just be me though.

Sometimes with this - I get  little confused between what I think I'm reading and what I sometimes think the author is saying - I sometimes get the impression that the author is trying to show the reader how much they know about this stuff - again it might just be me, but also it could potentially be taking away from the read.

The writing in places is slower than it needs to be:

Amaya is breaking pictures, and vases that are in the
Holloway’s living room.
-- is a little bit 'pedestrian' considering what is going on - I think maybe a slight change in style of writing would bring this out some - it just comes across a little bit 'one size fits all' (in term of the way that you write) and some time a change of style can suit the scene better.

P.2 You confuse 'seen' with 'scene' - not good.

I do think that this is intelligently written - but I don't think it's the 'full article' as a screen play' - it's a bit of a heavy read. It's written - it's just not yet screen-written.