Cure in Sight by Jean-Pierre Chapoteau - Short, Horror - A man hunts down notorious monsters to obtain the cure for his sickness. 5 pages - pdf, format

Bravo!  BRAVO!!!!

Jean-Pierre...damn...excellent job, man.  EXCELLENT job!

You're a good writer...maybe a great writer.  Who cares, this rocks in so many ways.

Sure, there are things I could nitpick, but there's no reason to when everything comes together so well, and...well...just works.

A great feel and tone going on here.  It reads quick, it reads easy, it works.

IMO, easily 1 of the very best ultra short scripts I've ever read, if not the very best.

I tip my hat to you, brother.  So very well done!

The ending definitely saved this one for me. Nice touch. Very nice.

Too many monsters gave it kind of a comic book feel. But it was extremely well executed, and the ending is very clever. Nice work!

Hey, Jean-Pierre. I read this one on Moviepoet a while back and I enjoyed it a lot. Was a fun read and it's surprising how you can fit so much detail into a 5 page script. Gratz for coming first too, well deserved.

Great job with it and all your scripts really. Especially that one about the retired "superhero", sorry, I forgot the name but it's still my favourite short from you.

I like the new happy Jeff! Rainbows and sunshine...

JP, Double space your slugs. It's industry standard. Your script looks cluttered. May pass it off on most for a short, but for a feature, you're breaking some serious rules.

Don't like the INSIDE slug at all. What's wrong with INT. OLD HOUSE - NIGHT???

How does Javar know that a zombie has taken many souls? Maybe he's a newbie, fresh off the slab and his tongue has no souls to give...

Meh, another advocate of new vampirology. In my book, it will always be a wooden dagger. Save the silver for werewolves.

I was not liking this at all until the end. Obviously. And, you can thank Jeff's awesome review for me being nitpicky.

This finished strong, was a touching surprise I didn't see coming. Plus, it validates Javar's character as our protag. Good work.

James

i thought this was okay..not really falling out of my chair like Dreamscale.

you nailed tone, atmosphere, mood and your descriptions put a clear vision in my head.

however

i thought that action scenes felt a little redundant....i think there should be a building peril ....there needs to be a little more "against the clock" feel as he continues to slay his assailants... getting weaker with each enemy...every battle mores difficult then the next....

WOW...you guys are unreal.  Seriously unreal.

As I said, yes, there are a number of things I could and usually would bring up as being either not good or downright wrong, but when something works like this, why?  Why even bother?

This guy knows how to write, plain and simple.  Read this next to 99% of any 5 other pager in here or anywhere for that matter, and see how you feel about it.  It's like my Rams in their glory years against a High School football team.  No contest.

Great job, Jean-Pierre.  You nailed this and I'm shocked the feedback isn't glowing all the way around.

Quoted from Dreamscale WOW...you guys are unreal.  Seriously unreal. As I said, yes, there are a number of things I could and usually would bring up as being either not good or downright wrong, but when something works like this, why?  Why even bother? This guy knows how to write, plain and simple.  Read this next to 99% of any 5 other pager in here or anywhere for that matter, and see how you feel about it.  It's like my Rams in their glory years against a High School football team.  No contest. Great job, Jean-Pierre.  You nailed this and I'm shocked the feedback isn't glowing all the way around.

the beauty of writing is its subjectivity. this is only my humble opinion on what i think would make it better to my own two eyes.... and thats really all we're here to do correct? help others make their art better by throwing in our own 2 cents.  

Hey Jean-Pierre,

I would have read this but have to say I was even more intrigued after Jeff’s review to give this one a look.

I liked it and can understand why it’s getting praise; you’ve comprised a lot of material into a 5 pages. Also some great visuals from so little words.

A lot of good battles, would have liked to see more of the werewolf but understand you have a 5 page limit to adhere too.

The ending is great, it’s what took this up a notch IMO so kudos on that.

One question and how I like my questions. If Javar is so sickly frail, how would he beat all the monsters? I guess love conquerors all, right! See I’ve just answered my own question.

Great Work!

Steve

When I was a kid, I watched all the old creature features every Saturday afternoon. There was even one film, Frankenstein vs Dracula. When the genre got to that point, it was very self consciously cheesy.

This is not written like something cheesy. It's written with a certain amount of taste and intellectual maturity. But we still have a zombie, a vampire, a werewolf, and a wicked witch. I was wondering when Mothman would appear.

That was the only problem I had. Excellent writing, strong visuals, efficient and effective dialogue, and a memorable ending. I just have a hard time dealing with the monster mash ensemble, especially given the serious tone.

But hey, obviously the writer knows his way around a script, so I'm glad he's on board here! His talent is very welcome and appreciated.

that was one of the best things ive ever read on this site.  that's all im saying.  excellent.

I'd watch this movie, probably not necessary, but id watch this play out for 2 hours.

Very nicely wrote, with great dialogue and descriptions... Personally i`m not a big fan of monster movies, as they all become very repetitive, but for 5 pages you did an excellant job, with a nice twist at the end.

Mark

Yup, good stuff. It's impressive to cram that detail into so few pages and have it work.

As Coop said, though -- the fact that he is so frail yet can open up many cans of whup-ass is a bit of a problem.

Well, even though the author has yet to chime in, the reviews drew me in...

As I'm reading this, a thought occurred to me...
I wonder if this is the same author of the "five victims" comic bookish short?
This script has a near identical structure and feel, but changes locations.

You know how to play out a scene on the page with aplomb and efficiency.
There's a strong voice on the page and it knows how to weave a tale.

But there were a few aspects of the script that left me cold.
Javar is brooding weak man, until he needs to kick major booty.
That repeated dynamic irked me throughout the script.

And the ending after all that, came off derpy to me.
But establishing that level of romanticism in five pages is a tall order.
And I'm not a likely candidate for said romanticism in a brief tale.
Especially without any reason why it had to end that way.
If there was an indicator after the reveal that Javar knew it had to be this way...
THEN I would do the emotional backtrack thang and dig the romanticism.

I'd like to see in a non-MP form where the pages can breathe.
Very good work all the same.

Regards,
E.D.

Took first place in MP last September.

I'm with Penoyer79 on this one. No doubts the guy know how to write - and I don't really figure where Javar gets his ability from - but the story just hangs on the 'odd' shelf for me.

Javar's human and dying, but I'm not sure what he's dying of. I can empathize with the romantic angle that E.D. referred to, but then he kind of seems like a lap-dog to  her, and I'm not clear if she is supposed to be a lover or a mother.

          JAVAR (V.O.)
Such painful feelings in my heart
leading to physical and mental torment
was absurd.

Not too sure I understood this, nor the following piece of dialogue about 'emotions dragging a man to his deathbed'. I never really got what he was - says at the beginning that he was neither dead or alive, but then the 'human eyes' do the trick, so he must have been human but not dead, not alive. Just kinda 'inbetweeny'.

So like I say - can't doubt the quality of the writing, bring a succinct and effective picture to life - I just can't figure the story for the life of me.