Rob and Roy Episode 2 by Wayne Heavey - Series - Rob meets a great girl in a club, But uninvited guest ruins it. 10 pages - pdf, format


Rob and Roy Episode 3 First Date by Wayne Heavey - Series - Rob as moved to Ireland and moves into a small apartment with a young african american who like to smoke weed and even eat it 15 pages - pdf, format


Rob and Roy Episode 4 Job Interview by Wayne Heavey - Series - Roy as a job interview and makes a new friend. 9 pages - pdf, format

Hey Wayne,

You need to work on your grammar and although the slugs were hilarious, they need a hell of a lot of work.

Change the names. Rob and Roy are too similar and confuse the read but that is the least of the problems going on here if I'm honest.

You also need to work on your action and dialogue. Look, I don't mean to be harsh but there's a lot of problems IMO and although I found it funny, it was for all the wrong reasons I'm afraid.

I'd be happy to elaborate on this if you're around?

Good luck and keep writing.

Steve.

P.S What happened to episode 1?

lol, sorry to laugh, but right out the gate "INT. ROY WATCHING BASKETBALL"

google "sluglines"

then you repeat it immediately in the action.  "He is a massive Lakers fan"  ditch it, just say he's wearing Laker gear.

The next block of action is wrong on about 7 different levels.  

At this point i realize you're probably not serious with this, so im gonna try to just laugh.  

no clue what an egit is.  these dudes are British?  watching hte Lakers?

i can't finish.

The first episode of this has major structural issues (sluglines, formatting, spelling). I checked the other episodes and found the same issues. I suggest working on the technical basics before you write more episodes.

Also, is this a web series or TV? For TV, you'll need to break the scenes into act breaks and teasers. 10-15 pages is way short for a sitcom. You'll need at least 25-30 with the proper teaser/act breaks.

Hello

Thank you for reading.

My grammar needs a lot of work i know, I have always had problems.

Rob and Roy is the first ever script i wrote or attempted to write.

I need work but the more you write the more you develop i believe.

Thanks for the comment good or bad the are comments.

Wayne