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Just wanted to post a link to a short of mine that was made from here if any are interested. I posted it originally as 'God's Empty Acre' and since then, has gone through a couple title changes. The official version is 'Girl(s)'.
Good work, Mark! This is powerful stuff. I remember the script now. I especially thought the lack of music helped drive home the heaviness of the material. Very well acted, except for maybe the nurse who was trying to explain everything, she seemed nervous and fumbled some lines. Maybe that's what the director was shooting for, though.
Anywho, congrats, it's a good feeling to get a short filmed and see your name on it, isn't it???
EDIT: Btw, why did they change the name??? Huge mistake IMO...
I wanted to let you know I watched it yesterday, but the dialogue did not come through well on my computer. I had trouble understanding what was being said. I could get the concept from the video, definitely could see inspiration for Thistles. I am fairly sure, based on what I'm hearing, that there is demand for scripts of this nature. Intense drama. Should be just a start for ya!
Thanks for watching. Glad you liked it. No, its not on the site anymore, but I'm going to ask the director, Jason Lyle Garrett, if I can post it on the site again for anyone who might be interested in comparing and contrasting the script and film. (It was a 16 page script. I think Jason did a real good job shoving it all into 9 minutes without losing any of the power of the story.)
Lol. I haven't showed Garrett Thistles, but wouldn't argue his case if he wanted to do it. Thanks again Michael.
Thanks for taking a look. Yeah, I loved the lack of music in it, too. It really did make the story all that more powerful.
And I'm with you on the part of the nurse. Jason did say that he wanted her part to be more uppity, which I can understand because some people have said that it made her part even creepier. But to me, those fumbled lines really stick out.
As for the name change, 'God's Empty Acre' made sense in the short story, but wouldn't relate in the filmed version, so I understand that. But, in all honesty, I have an untitled feature in the works and God's Empty Acre would fit that perfectly as a title.
Actually, believe it or not, Thistles I started writing about two years before I wrote this. In this story, I even wrote Brandi as seventeen or eighteen, and I never specified what race she was. (Although she was black in my head)
It just happens to be a total coincidence that the director cast a 12 year old who would be perfect for Sazha. (I wonder if 'Thistles' ever gets made, if Jason Garret will get a casting credit. (Of course, as you can imagine, Thistles will definately need a cleanup and rewrite if a 12 year old is involved.
Hmm. Sorry about the audio. I wonder what the problem was. Hope it didn't ruin it for you too much. Thanks for checking it out, though.
What's been up? Thanks for the compliments. Yeah, I like the original title, too. But I can see how it wouldn't be clear in the film.
On the bright side though, if we ever get a chance to collab on that big budget film, we'll be able to title it God's Empty Acre now!
Hey Reef. (Sorry, I'm not too sure of your real name right now, but I'll be checking out 'At the Junction' very soon, so I'll figure it out soon enough.)
Thanks for taking a look-see. Glad you liked it.
Hmm, any other good scripts without traditional time lines?
Just off the top of my head, 'Pulp Fiction' comes to mind. That's very non-linear. I read the script about 12 years ago, but I don't think I recall it pointing out when there's been a time jump. And I should note, I only read the shooting script, not the spec, if there was one.
'Go' is another movie that comes to mind, though I never read the screenplay. You might want to check that out for any helpful tips. It's been awhile since I've seen that one, too, but I believe they SUPERIMPOSE when the scene's taking place, but I don't know how they did it in the script.
If you'd like, you can PM me your e-mail address and I could send you the original spec for this script. (I had to take it off SS during production.)
When I first posted this as a script, I let the reader work out that the story was actually going backwards... but only about half of everybody who read it figured out the timeline. I wrote another draft and in the slugs, I put 'EVENING' for the first scene, 'AFTERNOON' for the second scene, and 'MORNING' and 'EARLY MORNING' for the rest, and everybody was catching on after that without having to be told.
(I also put a SLAM CUT TO BLACK, followed by a line of dialogue over black to make it clear there was a time change. The film didn't follow that structure, (not the entire time), but it was still enough I don't think the viewer would get lost.)
So far, all the 'regular people' who've watched the film I've talked to didn't have any trouble following the story, so it must've just been something getting lost in the read that some people couldn't figure it out.
As a tip, I'd say let somebody take a quick read of your story and if they're able to follow it, let the reader figure it out. If the person gets lost, drop clues, probably in the slugs, that it's non-linear.
Thanks again for letting me know what you thought, Reef.
Really enjoyed the movie and will check the script out when I get time. I thought I felt the main doctor (Dr Sheby I think I heard her called) was a weak link and didn't give a great performance but all the others were INCREDIBLE. The red haired nurse's inappropriate apathy was chilling! As if she had been numbed to it already. Good work.
Thanks for checking out the film and glad to hear you enjoyed it. The script's not actually up on SS anymore. I had to take it off during production. (The director did contact me because he saw it on SimplyScripts, though. I'm going to see if it's okay if I post it back up for anyone who's interested in noticing the changes from script to screen. (Maybe I'd be able to post the director's shooting script, too.) Not too sure what Don would think of it, either, since it's already been produced. But if you'd like, I could shoot you over the script in an e-mail.
Dr. Shell was actually the gynie's name in the film, (in the script, she was Dr. Kushell.) My main main problem I had with her was actually just one of her lines... "Yes, Brandi. Your baby is dead." That kind of seemed like a line out of Days of Our Lives. (It wasn't in the script.) I wonder if it's that line that really dampened her character for you. (I know it did me.)
Lol. Another person who likes the red-haired nurse! Personally, I didn't like her performance at all when I first saw it. Now, a lot of people have been saying how much they like her and how creepy her part is. Maybe it's just me knowing the story so well and I'm too focused on the couple times she stumbled.
But thank you very much, Darren, for your thoughts and comments.
'Girl(s)' premiered over the weekend at the Sistas 2012 film festival in LA.
Word from the director is that the film went over really well. He said the audience was really emotionally into it, moaning and sighing.
(Lol. Usually, moaning and sighing is a sign that the film's boring, but in my stories, I take moans and sighs as compliments. :-)
After the screening, there was a Q&A and the director, Jason Garret, said the actress who played Brandi, Makayla Porter, was flooded with compliments. They were really surprised at how powerful she was and really surprised at how young she was.
She deserves all the compliments. I think she did extraordinary.