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The Velvet Elvis by Brenton Lonkey - Horror - A black Elvis impersonator struggles trying to juggle both his music career and his full-time job hunting demons in Hollywood. 102 pages - pdf, format
got to about page 25. Liked the concept of a black Elvis demon hunter, so I was looking more at the story than anything else. So far it moves along at a steady pace. There were some nice flashes of dialogue with the banter back and forth between the characters. Though in places it seemed to just run for the sake of it. I’d say less is always more and there’s plenty to trim here without losing the feel of the characters.
Not sure about the continuous ‘nigga’ references between Samael and Velvis. These felt a little flat after a while, but that's purely opinion.
You seemed to go round in circles on the point of what to do with Sammy. Get rid of her? Let her tag along? She seems destined to stay so make a call and move on. I’d also question having a character called Sammy and another called Samael?. They may sound different phonetically but on paper...
Was hoping for a little more action when Velvis goes after Seth, maybe show what Velvis is all about. The scene built up then just kind of fizzled out with Seth escaping.
So far a nice set-up, I’m interested to see where it goes, plenty of room for both horror and laughs in here (hoping that’s what you were aiming for). I too will keep reading if you’re around.
Steve.
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