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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Slayer of Mage and Sorcerers Moderators: bert
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  Author    Slayer of Mage and Sorcerers  (currently 1779 views)
Don
Posted: June 21st, 2012, 10:45am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Slayer of Mage and Sorcerers by Victor - Horror - When an envious rival unleashes an ancient witch spirit,the Slayer is forced to no longer fight for justice,but for his own life. 97 pages - pdf, format


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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  June 21st, 2012, 11:14am
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Doms
Posted: June 21st, 2012, 11:36am Report to Moderator
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This is my boomstick!

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At first blush, there are some critical problems with the script.

Even the title page has issues.

Thre are problems with just about everything.

Example:
-----------------------------------------------------------
A group of four women,all dressed in black.On the floor,a pentagram and candles.
-----------------------------------------------------------

There are numerous instances where a period or comma is not followed by a space, a space precedes it or there is no space after it. This bespeaks a writer that's not professional and may not even care about their own work.

Generally speaking, it's considered proper to limit action paragraphs to three lines. On the first page alone, you violate this unwritten rule four times.

The action is written in a clunky fashion.

Example:
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He readies his daggers,prepared to strike,while pressing forward to the rival's body.
But while she's still in the air, he slashes forward and stabs her with one of the daggers.
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The fomatting on the dialogue is wrong. There should be an equal margin on both sides and centered under the character's name. Your formatting has the left margin almost to the character's name and extending all the way to the right margin.

You should consider getting a program that will do this for you. Celtx will fit the bill and is free: https://www.celtx.com/

Then there are the actual words of the dialogue.

Example:
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OFFICER
Yeah,so,like I said,today came a guy claiming the explosion was no accident,but the fire was man-made.Hesaid you did it!
-----------------------------------------------------------

I'm getting the impression that you're not a native English speaker. If so, consider working with someone that's a native English speaker.

Good luck!

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Doms  -  June 22nd, 2012, 10:26am
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