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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Apple Moderators: bert
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  Author    Apple  (currently 1475 views)
Don
Posted: June 27th, 2012, 1:38pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Apple by Patrick Hicks (phicks7667) - Short, Drama - Apple is based upon a story about a mentally challenged man, his gift's and his journey through life that I developed and was brought to life by Pat Hicks in his directing debut. Pat hit the ground running as he wrote a short screenplay and delivered a cast and crew that was no less then magical. I believe Apple will carry everyone through a story that will drain every possible emotion through the essence of Apple's character and his life's experiences. You can not help but to become emotionally involved in Apple's heartfelt journey through life and feel a compassion becoming connected to him  through this compelling story. An epic journey of one man who has everything against him yet inspires one to be more than what they can fully understand. Like one critic say's "Apple is begging to be a full feature film".(The Independent Critic 2011.) A compelling, heartfelt, and emotionally driven story which I am authoring a feature length version of Apple in the hopes that it can be brought to life and the story be told in its entirety......  "Pat Hicks"A mentally challenged man, who can see people's futures when looking into their eyes, deals with his father abandoning him and his mother and the resentment his mother has towards him because of it. Apple (mentally challenged man) seems to have a love for life but fears the unique talent he possesses but feels obligated to share with the people there will as he sees it. 33 pages - pdf, format


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Gage
Posted: June 27th, 2012, 2:22pm Report to Moderator
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Really wish I could read this one, but I can't open it because of the file.  Maybe you might consider a PDF file?

Also, that logline is... er, incredible.


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Forgive
Posted: June 27th, 2012, 6:27pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Opened in word - the first line of dialogue is almost as long as the log-line.

Hey Patrick - if you're around this needs a serious re-work - try a pdf, but the formatting all over the place:

ex. you can't use camera directions in you slug-lines. Well, you can if you want, but it's generally not recommended.

Secondly, you have too many action descriptions in your slug lines. Really, why am I bothering?
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Mr.Ripley
Posted: June 27th, 2012, 6:53pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats Mr. Hicks on getting this script made.

I don't understand why you posted this script up though. The script got made.

If you were working on the feature of this short or working on another short or feature, than I would suggest posting it up so we can help you. But this got made.

If you wanted to advertise your film, you could have done it at the "getting to know you thread". Also, introduce yourself to the community.

Granted this is not properly screenplay formatted, he got it made so who cares. lol. It's still good to know format but, it's debatable.  

Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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Forgive
Posted: June 27th, 2012, 7:21pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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[quote=TheWhiteCrimsonBrothers]Congrats Mr. Hicks on getting this script made. /quote]

So where'd you see this made? Just wondering.
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Mr.Ripley
Posted: June 27th, 2012, 7:28pm Report to Moderator
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You see APPLE capped in black letters. That's the link to their short film. It's the first word in the logline.


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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Forgive
Posted: June 27th, 2012, 7:34pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Cool - thanks Gabe - checked it out - saw that first line of dialogue has been cut out ... not badly filmed though???
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kingcooky555
Posted: June 27th, 2012, 9:29pm Report to Moderator
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Wow, record logline.

The first monolgue was intimidating and I almost closed the file. But it actually works for me. It's something I could hear a mentally challenged guy mumble about, if he/she is spilling his/her guts out to a camera.

However, the formatting needs work. Also, even though the monologue is okay, you can probably break this long passage a bit. Make Apple do stuff in the middle so that the monologue is less intimidating to the eyes.
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