The Wow Factor by Samuel Al (Walnutpictures) - Short, Black Comedy - The Wow Factor is a black comedy about two homosexuals who have  homicidal reactions to trashy estate agents.  8 pages - pdf, format

Hey Sam,
Gave this one a read, and I'm fairly puzzled.  The action paragraphs are written fairly well but the dialogue reads as though English is your second language.  You're missing punctuation and the grammar is off.

Anyways, the dialogue also needs some work:
"Oh fantastic, ok i am willing to
bet you a Marc Jacobs cashmere
jumper, that that man there, is our
estate agent."
Seriously, what in the hell is that.

I also think it's just a bit stereotypical to make the gay men so critical of fashion.  Just my opinion, but I don't think I'm too far off...

Also, you label the Estate Agent as Anthony as he says his name is Anthony.  You should wait for his next line to change his name.

As for the twist, I really liked it.  It's a funny, dark concept, but I don't know why you chose this way to execute it.  It's not natural for Daniel to explain why he killed Anthony; it would be much more effective to simply have seen Joseph's notes and then once Anthony says "The Wow Factory" have Joseph scream, "that's strike four!" or something along those lines.  This way you keep a bit of mystery in and don't have to explain yourself so much afterwards.

Oh, and the last line needs to be changed.

You have a good concept here, Sam, but the execution needs a bit of work, mostly dialogue, but some action paragraphs.

Gage