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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Comedy Scripts  ›  What Starts Worse, Ends Better Moderators: bert
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  Author    What Starts Worse, Ends Better  (currently 1545 views)
Don
Posted: September 6th, 2012, 5:02pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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What Starts Worse, Ends Better by Dale Trett - Comedy - A mundane case spirals out of control for two amateur detectives. 71 pages - pdf, format


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Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  March 13th, 2013, 3:08pm
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Yosef91
Posted: October 10th, 2012, 3:45pm Report to Moderator
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I was turned off with the opening coversation.  It was nothing but 2 guys insulting each other in an attempt to give us a back story and humor.  Nothing was funny, and it was way too long at 7 pages.  I'm not sure if you post here much, so I'll wait to see.  
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RegularJohn
Posted: October 22nd, 2012, 3:37pm Report to Moderator
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Every 23 months for 23 days, Johnny writes.

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A huge block of dialogue is not the best way to start off a script.  The idle conversation between the two detectives does little to develop the plot.

Also, Mat's attempt at picking up Emma was pretty awful as well as fumbling the coffee.  Seeing as how he is able to sleep with all these clients, I thought he would have had a bit more swagger.


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insider901
Posted: March 17th, 2013, 11:17am Report to Moderator
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Some of the material is very funny and the Dialogue is well written but you show virtually no action. I read 50 pages and it's just a handfuil of long scenes. The max a scene should be is 4-5 pages. The optimal lengteh is 3 or less.

That scene where Dalton is introduced is a whopping 8 pages.
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